Brit Quakers Say Okay to Gay Marriage

The Quakers, aka Friends, became a friend to gays yesterday in London when at an annual meeting of 1,000 members, they agreed to "treat same-sex committed relationships in the same way as opposite-sex marriages, reaffirming our central insight that marriage is the Lord's work and we are but witnesses," reports AFP. The Quakers are the best. They founded Philadelphia!

Spokesman Michael Hutchinson added, "Many of our meetings have told us that there are homosexual couples who consider themselves to be married and believe this is as much a testimony of divine grace as a heterosexual marriage," he said. Is that a compliment?

Gay human rights campaigner Peter Tatchell praised the Quakers as "trail-blazing," but cautioned that it "exposes the homophobia of other faiths that refuse to recognize love and commitment between couples of the same sex, and it specifically exposes their denial of religious marriage to same-sex couples." Mormons, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, are you listening?

Gay weddings have been legal in Britain since December 2005.

This post in memory of Mrs. Hufflepuff, who was part Quaker.

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Matt Bowen of the Cowboys celebrates with teammates after scoring in Australia. This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Sandwich edition.

Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images

Sarap!

Bobo meets GloYo! Philippine President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo posed for pix in the Oval Office with President Obama yesterday on her first visit.

They discussed fighting Islamic extremists and other subjects -- like how to make a good pancit.

Your Chexy was in the Philippines a few years ago while working in the computer animation business. When a taxi driver there heard that, he replied, "I know Adobo Photoshop!"


("Sarap" means "flavor" in Tagalog.)
Photo by Chip Somodevilla/Getty Images

Fleet's In!

This gal is clearly ready for her sailor to be home, as seen in Norfolk, Virginia as the USS Eisenhower arrived yesterday with its 6,000 sailors (whew!)... after spending five months deployed in Operation Enduring Freedom.

Photo by Mark Wilson/Getty Images

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Frederick Bousquet of France seen after the Men's 100m Freestyle Semifinal in Rome.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Golden Boy edition.


Photo by ISM Agency/Getty Images

Dalai, You Look Terrific

The 14th Dalai Lama is in Germany for a series of lectures. Contrary to popular belief, he is not a vegetarian.

From the web site of his holiness, here's a lovely excerpt on his "Three Commitments in Life:

Firstly, on the level of a human being, His Holiness first commitment is the promotion of human values such as compassion, forgiveness, tolerance, contentment and self-discipline. All human beings are the same. We all want happiness and do not want suffering. Even people who do not believe in religion recognize the importance of these human values in making their life happier. His Holiness refers to these human values as secular ethics. He remains committed to talk about the importance of these human values and share them with everyone he meets.

The other two are here.

Photo by Alex Grimm/Getty Images

Camilla and the Dot Dress, Again!

HRH Camilla simply refuses to stop wearing this ensemble. She wore it to the Flower show yesterday July 28 (above), and just five days ago and the West Wiltshire show (below).

and June 22...


and April 28...


I believe that Camilla sleeps in this outfit... which causes my nightmares.

Getty

Amy and the Discount Shopping

My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, has a new hobby, which she clearly gets from me; she's now obsessed with discount shopping, I have only myself to blame. Her mother, Carolyn, sent me the above picture last night just to aggravate me -- showing her indulging Amy in the two things I forbid her to have; junk food and television.

"Why don't we go to Barnes and Noble, Ricky? I got a 10% off coupon in my email this morning," she tweeted to me this morning. "What are you reading, anyway?" At the time she asked, I was reading the latest court order I'd obtained against her mother.

It's a wonder Amy has any sense of money with Carolyn being a profligate spender with the belief that her debt to income ratio is superfluous information, akin to what might be suitable for Amy on The Learning Channel. I have no idea what her boyfriend Fahd makes selling Amway, but he's not exactly enjoying his Hi-C and Captain Morgan Rum cocktails on a yacht. Yes, Amy does provide me with the most curious info.


"We could go to Target, they have toilet paper on sale, the kind you like," she tweeted again about 5 minutes after her first message. "Do you need eyedrops? I have a coooooopon!"

Meanwhile, Carolyn posted on her facebook about her new Balenciaga shoes. Apparently, cankles in gladiator sandals are all the rage. I had a chance to read her facebook when Amy left it on my screen -- Carolyn deleted me as a friend shortly after our last encounter in Family Court over her proximity to Amy while smoking. Amy took this picture of her on that day, and as you can see by Carolyn's expression, she was unamused, but thinner.


I then received a text. "Cost Plus has the coffee you like, the French Toast on sale."


Yes, she meant French Roast, but we call it French Toast as a broken family joke since she made that mistake when she was four. Later, Amy sent me an instant message on the merits of two-for-one shopping. "If it's 50% off, that means you get one free if you buy one," said my budding mathematician. "You can't beat that," she chirped, mimicing one of Carolyn's Bostonianisms.


So I picked up Amy from her friend Shennae's house and we stopped by the mall for a little shopping (it's actually how I get her to exercise). She spotted a pair of Hello Kitty sneakers in the window of Sanrio and declared, "I must have them, I don't care what they cost!"


I can't imagine where she gets that. Yes, I know those sneakers are large. She's big for six.

K-Fed Often

A bloated Kevin Federline appeared at a celebrity golf event yesterday, looking like he's been well fed while following ex-wife Britney Spears around the world with her Circus tour.

It can't be long before Jenny Craig calls. Either way, we'll be seeing a lot more of Kevin.

Getty

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Hotties Lewis Hamilton and Pussycat Doll Nicole Scherzinger celebrate Lew's victory of the Hung. Formula One Grand Prix in Budapest.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Nice Work If You Can Get It edition.

Photo by Mark Thompson/Getty Images

Jackie O at Eight-O

Jackie O would have been 80 today, but the former First Lady died of non-Hodgkin's lymphoma at age 64 in 1994. Some say her excessive black hair dye might have been a contributing factor, along with her smoking, which she never did in public.

In her day, Jackie was the most famous woman in the world. For many, her stoic courage after the assassination of JFK gave strength to the entire nation.

The Ron Galella photo above marked the beginning of the modern day stalkerazzi. Jackie obtained a restraining order to keep Galella at a distance.

In her last years, while working as an editor at Doubleday, Jackie helped preserve and restore Grand Central Station and other NYC landmarks.

LIFE/Ron Galella
for Gina

Camillaflage

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, busted out one of her big hats and a phalanx of camouflaged Army Air Corps soldiers made way for it. Prince Chaz (behind Camilla) played dress-up and brought up the rear.

Camilla debuted this getup back in May.

Photo by Chris Radburn/WPA/Getty Images

Zombie Madge

It seems that parts of Madonna may also have died in the crane accident. This is how she looked last night. It's safe to say her face will remain unaffected by death.

Newton's Law of Joan

The gravity-defying Joan Rivers, 76, at last night's Comedy Central roast of her.

Progress?

After reading on Chexydecimal this morning that Lainie Kazan is starring in the new film "Oy Vey, My Son is Gay," Chexydecimal London Bureau Chief Andy pointed out how similar the trailer is to the 1976 Redd Foxx comedy, "Norman Is That You?"



Here's Lainie's trailer...



This movie should go gay to video.

This Post is Hosted by the Number 1,000

No, this isn't a "Sesame Street" episode with a wacky spelling-out of the number 1,000. It's (l to r) TV emaciactress Anne-Marie Johnson, Christmas-blanketed Diane Ladd (mother of Laura Dern), plus plus-sized Lainie Kazan (star of the upcoming film 'Oy Vey, My Son is Gay!'), and "Palm Springs Weekend" star Connie Stevens.

The four were snapped seated on durable chairs at the home of Joe Bologna and Renee Taylor, who hosted a "meet the SAG presidential candidates" luncheon.

Photo by John M. Heller/Getty Images

Natural Beauties

Also seen at the luncheon (l to r), "Rhoda" star Valerie Harper (who was not replaced by Sandy Duncan at the lunch), and surgilicious "Jeannie" Barbara Eden (who will be 75 this August), and I believe that's Mae West -- no, excuse me, that's Nancy Sinatra, with the laughing face at 69.

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Happy Birthday, Gracie Allen

On this day Gracie Allen was born... the exact year is unknown, but best estimates put it at 1895. She was the on-stage and real-life partner of comedy centenarian George Burns. Gracie was the original zany TV wife, a character honed in vaudeville and two-reelers. Here's a clip from their TV show, circa mid-'50s.

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Patrick Hausding and Sascha Klein of Germany flip in the Synchro Platform Final at the World Championship in Rome.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Thigh High edition.

Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images

Chexy's Saturday Matinee!

The Nicholas Brothers -- now that's some dancing.




Mattel's Strange Change machine. You know you want one.



Willie-Mae Big Mama Thornton died on this day in 1984. Here's how Hound Dog sounded before Elvis got hold of it.




Ladies and gentlemen, De Phazz.

The Oldest Man in the World

Walter Bruening, age 112, is the oldest man in the world. He's living at the Rainbow Assisted Living Facility in Montana, but I don't think it's for gays. Just plain old school rainbow. Although he is kinda hot.

Born Sept. 21, 1896 during the Grover Cleveland administration, he worked for the railroad for 50 years, retiring forty-one years ago.

He attributes his record longevity to eating just two meals per day and strolling the retirement home with his walker. He takes no medicine except for a daily low-dose aspirin. When asked what he thought was the greatest advancement during his lifetime, Walter said, "What?"

Photo by John Moore/Getty Images

Camilla and the Seussian Threepeat

HRH Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, once again plopped into her Dr. Seuss outfit on Thursday, July 23, this time for a trip to the West Wiltshire Show held in Trowbridge Park. The jacket and gravity are not friends.



Above she was in her "Put Me in the Zoo" frock one month ago on June 22, just after her roots were respackled.


And again in the dots on April 28 in Italy. Times are tough, and it's nice to see Camilla recycling her wardrobe. I'm sure if Britain began rationing, Camilla would be in line with her stamps to get a pound of sausage. Why, I'd even give her my own sausage.


Getty
With apologies to Chexydecimal London Bureau Chief Andy.

Obama and Child

President Obama greets a young fan in Ohio after a speech on health care reform.

Getty

Chexy's Sports Roundup

I believe this fan of Mexico has worn this salute to Michael Jackson to the Conacaf Cup Semifinal match against Costa Rica at Soldier Field in Chicago.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Propofol edition.

Photo by Brian Kersey/Getty Images

Chexy's Cartoon Corner

See Cartoons by Mike Keefe
Courtesy of Politicalcartoons.com
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Zsa Zsa Docu

Zsa Zsa Gabor (above) appeared at a press screening of "Paris, Not France," a crapumentary about the life of Paris Hilton. She appears to again be wearing the Barbie Grow n' Style weave. Pretty.

Zsa Zsa has never been married.

Photo by Frank Micelotta/Getty Images

Winehouse Back in Flats

I'm just thrilled to see Amy Winehouse looking better. Chexy readers know I'm mad for the wino. I seriously hope she's off the drugs, but I begin to wonder when I see those damned pink ballet flats that she refuses to give up -- it's like a warning sign. "Look, I'm still cracky, I wear ballet flats to court."

Oh yeah, she's headed to court in this pic to face assault charges after allegedly clobbering a fan at an event in London last year.

Hopefully, her best days are ahead of her.



Photo by Neil Mockford/Getty Images

Camilla and the Big Hat

HRH Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, brought her lovely self to the Queen's Garden Fiesta at Buckingham Palace -- regurgitating one of her best looks -- with the giant hat and cartoon smelly lines. Wearing a form-fitted dress and one of her new industrial bras, you can see by the face on deceased former Philippines dictator Ferdinand Marcos (behind her), that he's enjoying the view... or she just cut one.

It seems that Cam has taken a hint from Scarlett O'Hara and had a dress made from some damask curtains hanging around the shack, with the gloves adding that touch of disinfectant protection.

Camilla last wore this hat on June 17 with her sofa outfit.


I know. That dimple on her chin. Precious!

Photos: Getty

Someone Left a Cake Out in the Rain

Betty Deuce threw yet another Royal Garden Party at Bucky Palace on Tuesday, debuting this bow-tied cake hat with matching radioactive turquoise coat dress and umbrella.

Her majesty's brollies are made exclusively for her by Fulton of London, and she is rockin' that dome!

Photo by Ian Nicholson - WPA Pool/Getty Images
for Cabot

The Best Lube in the World

John S. Barry, the marketing genius behind WD-40, has died at the age of 84, reports the NY Times. They should scotch tape a red straw to his casket. For those of us who are repair-challenged, this stuff is like having a handyman in a can, and if you've never had a handyman in the can, well, I can tell you, it's wonderful.


My abilities in home repair are mitigated by several factors, one being that I don't like getting my hands dirty, and second, I'm ruthlessly incompetent with tools, with a few unpublishable exceptions. But with a can of WD-40 around, I'm suddenly imbued with superhuman powers of repair, or at least those of a frail 1950s housewife.

I've sprayed it into sticky keyholes (okay, make your own jokes at this point), and have made clocks rise from the untimely dead. Squeaking doors and doorknobs are a pet peeve of mine, and their unpleasantness is resolved by a few quick spritzes of this "water displacement 40th attempt" formula, giving me the pride one must feel at having torn out and replaced a kitchen -- which I will never do.

So thanks to Mr. Barry for giving me mechanical competence in aerosol form. And rest in unsqueaking peace.

A Rose Was a Rose

No, Rose Kennedy didn't turn 119 today, she died in 1995 after making it to 104. A staunch Catholic (who'd been named a "countess" by Pope Pius XII), Rose gave us a whole buncha Kennedys -- with almost 110 direct descendants.

One of the great tightwads, Rose used to charge her servants for a cup of coffee. Her husband, Joseph P., was worth an estimated $3 billion (in 2009 dollars)... in 1935.

When you're at the bars this weekend, ask for a Rose Kennedy -- that's vodka with a splash of soda.

Rose outlived her husband by nearly 30 years, and four of her nine children.


for Gina

And Zoe It Goes

The pseudo-stylish Mena Suvari promo-shopping at Soffer in L.A., and emaciatrix/stylist Rachel Zoe. So alike, and yet only one is a real American beauty.

Katie Holmes: Be Afraid

What remains of former actress Katie Holmes was seen with one of her omnipresent bodyguard/handlers as she listlessly played with Scientolotot Suri during a break in filming of her new horror film "Don't Be Afraid of the Dark."

Of course, Katie has no fucking idea what to be afraid of, or she wouldn't be trapped in a brainwashing cult and contract marriage. Perhaps aliens inhabit her body!

Mrs. Cruise is in Melbourne, Australia. If only Dame Edna could reach her... or her parents, or someone.



Photo by PhotoNews International Inc./FilmMagic

We Jerkin'

And now, a gorgeous mini docu produced and directed by the very talented Brandon Lange. The stars are Skinny Boyz and Kream Kidz, all from L.A.'s inner city. No one in this vid is over 17, and the youngest is 9.

The Hotness

It's been quite hot in Hollywood this past week, but even hotter in China, as seen by the above beach shot in Dalian, where a good portion of China's one billion people hit the shore to cool off.


These Chinese boys even swam in the polluted Yangtze when the mercury climbed to 104.

It was so hot in California on Sunday, I ordered take-out Chinese for dinner. These folks were able to make it at home.

AP/Reuters

In Memory of Hart Crane

America's greatest poet, Hart Crane, was born July 21, 1899 in Ohio, son of a wealthy candy manufacturer. Best known for his works "The Bridge" and "White Buildings," Crane was lost at sea off the coast of Cuba in 1932; some say he jumped off a boat, others say he was pushed. He was never found.


In his brief years, he left an indelible mark on American poetry as the first American symbolist, incorporating the heart of Arthur Rimbaud in a new and modern language, infused with the language of the industrial era.

In honor of Crane's birthday, and in his memory, here's part of "The Bridge."

To Brooklyn Bridge

How many dawns, chill from his rippling rest
The seagull's wings shall dip and pivot him,
Shedding white rings of tumult, building high
Over the chained bay waters Liberty--

Then, with inviolate curve, forsake our eyes
As apparitional as sails that cross
Some page of figures to be filed away;
--Till elevators drop us from our day...

I think of cinemas, panoramic sleights
With multitudes bent toward some flashing scene
Never disclosed, but hastened to again,
Foretold to other eyes on the same screen;

And Thee, across the harbor, silver-paced
As though the sun took step of thee, yet left
Some motion ever unspent in thy stride,--
Implicitly thy freedom staying thee!

Out of some subway scuttle, cell or loft
A bedlamite speeds to thy parapets,
Tilting there momently, shrill shirt ballooning,
A jest falls from the speechless caravan.

Down Wall, from girder into street noon leaks,
A rip-tooth of the sky's acetylene;
All afternoon the cloud-flown derricks turn...
Thy cables breathe the North Atlantic still.

And obscure as that heaven of the Jews,
Thy guerdon... Accolade thou dost bestow
Of anonymity time cannot raise:
Vibrant reprieve and pardon thou dost show.

O harp and altar, of the fury fused,
(How could mere toil align thy choiring strings!)
Terrific threshold of the prophet's pledge,
Prayer of pariah, and the lover's cry,--

Again the traffic lights that skim thy swift
Unfractioned idiom, immaculate sigh of stars,
Beading thy path--condense eternity:
And we have seen night lifted in thine arms.

Under thy shadow by the piers I waited;
Only in darkness is thy shadow clear.
The City's fiery parcels all undone,
Already snow submerges an iron year . . .

O Sleepless as the river under thee,
Vaulting the sea, the prairies' dreaming sod,
Unto us lowliest sometime sweep, descend
And of the curveship lend a myth to God.

Betty Deuce -- No Swan Song

Isn't she a peach?!

Betty Deuce smiles at an orphaned cygnet during a swan census on the Thames, where her majesty debuted this wonderfully cockeyed hat.

The 83-year-old monarch has been on the throne for over 57 years, and is expected to continue for some time. Queen Victoria holds the record at 63 years. Betty's son Chuck is now 60.


Photo by Sang Tan - WPA Pool/Getty Images

Amy in Palm Springs

My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, spent the weekend in Palm Springs with her mother, Carolyn and Carolyn's boyfriend Fahd, who both thought that driving to Palm Springs when it's 115 degrees there was a good idea. But this is typical of Carolyn, who throws caution to the hot wind and hits the highway for a good time. I suppose I can't complain about that, because otherwise there might never have been an Amy.

"We stayed at the Vagabond Inn, but Fahd called it the Fagabond Inn. I still don't get it. I took mom's picture there. You can tell by her expression that she didn't like it."


Fahd has Amway friends in Palm Springs, and from what I can understand their names are Tuszhmeh and Delfleh. They double as owners of an antique store where they sell carpets and, says Amy, "clocks that sound like chickens." Amy said "Delfleh keeps a thermos behind the counter and I was thirsty but he wouldn't let me have any. He said it was grownup juice, like I'd never heard of ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-alcohol, what a mo-ron," she enunciated using the same long O that Carolyn does when referring to me, I'm sure. "I'm big for six, but he didn't seem to notice," added my somewhat mature little angel.


"Tuzshmeh made smoked oysters with crackers," recounted Amy, "I thought they were awful, but mom and Fahd said in the car that they were good with the scotch. Tuzshmeh is very glamorous. She smokes Virginia Slims."


Then, with all seriousness, Amy told me (regarding last week), "I want you to know I've quit smoking... maybe that's why I've been so nervous."

She then put in her iPod earbuds, and the conversation was over.

Camilla and Horsing Around

HRH Prince Charles attended the Chakravarty Cup Polo Match in Tetbury where his sons, Princes William and Harry, were playing. If you look carefully at the above picture, you'll see that's not Camilla with a groomsman.

Below is Camilla.


Photo by Indigo/Getty Images

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Daniel Vidot tries desperately to tackle Michael Jennings at some match in Sydney.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Sometimes You Just Gotta Let Him Go edition.

Photo by Matt King/Getty Images

Chexy's Saturday Matinee!

Beauty is in the eye of the bang holder. Get your bangs on.



Max Raabe and his Pilast Orchester, LIVE in Berlin!



And now, a Chexydecimal public service message. Know your nuts.



Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Mae West, from 1935's "Goin' to Town."



With thanks to J.Lo and Auntie Jean.

David Beckham -- The Shirt Off His Tattooed Back

Your Chexy was not in East Rutherford, New Jersey yesterday.

An avid fan gets Beckham's shirt -- as the L.A. Galaxy defeated the Red Bulls at Giants Stadium.

This week, Becks also gave Matt Lauer his suit. If I ever meet him, I'll know what article of clothing to admire.

Photo by Mike Stobe/Getty Images for New York Red Bull

Happy Birthday, Duchess!

Her loveliness, Camilla Parker Bowles, Duchess of Cornwall, is a jolly 62 today! And she looks so young! Like a fresh summer flower -- with a lot of insecticide.


This is Camilla's coat of arms. Contrary to popular belief, her image is not featured.

It's Camilla's Birthday Look!

HRH Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, looked overjoyed on her 62nd birthday on Friday -- and why shouldn't she? She's a hottie and she knows it! Look at that tailored suit! That flattering bustline, the sleeves that accentuate her lithe arms and pretty hands, the reblondered locks that glisten in the English sunshine -- she is a walking poem... by Poe.

And it looks like Prince Charles may have given her a pearl necklace!

Like horrid suburban carpeting, beige is her color.

Getty

Chexy's Sports Roundup

No, it's not date night at Kevin's pool. That's Qin Kai of China doing his thing at the Mens Springboard Prelims in Italy.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Improved Chinese Relations edition.

Photo by Al Bello/Getty Images

Disneyland

On this day in 1955, wacky Walt Disney opened Disneyland in Anaheim. He had originally planned to spend $9 million (about $70 million in 2009 dollars) for a 45-acre park -- but by opening day the park stretched to 160 acres and $17 million.


Here's a clip of the 10th anniversary in 1965. Be sure to wait for the dancing cake and candles.



Amy wants me to take her there this weekend, but I refuse to go.

Hey, Joe

Money-hungry, bad-tempered singing family patriarch Joseph Jackson, and Cold War toon Boris Badenov. So alike, and yet only one is from Pottsylvania.

Sotomayor Goes Green

Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor at yesterday's confirmation hearing, and "Facts of Life" star Mindy Cohn aka Natalie Green. So alike, and yet only one has worked with Al Franken.

Just a Perfect Blendship

Are you tired of the nuisance of maintaining cyber pseudo-friendships on Facebook and MySpace? Of course you are.

Get ready for "My Doraemon," based on the anime character -- which is equipped with touch, sound, temperature and optical sensors and can communicate with 1,300 phrases -- as seen at the Tokyo Toy Show. Happy desk friend!

Are these little bitches capable of betrayal, subterfuge and backstabbing? Probably not.



Photo by Junko Kimura/Getty Images

JFK Jr. Dead 10 Years

Ten years ago today, one of the Sexiest Men Alive, and quite possibly one of our potential future presidents, JFK Jr., did his Icarus thing into the Atlantic, accidentally killing his glam blonde wife Carolyn Bessette (a publicist for Calvin Klein) and her sister Lauren (an investment banker with Morgan Stanley) and himself. At the time, he was publishing "George" magazine, which folded in 2001.


The cause of the fateful crash was pilot error -- it seems, according to the NTSB, that John John became disoriented while flying in the darkness toward cousin Rory's wedding on Martha's Vineyard. It was reported that the Bessette family received $50 million in an undisclosed settlement. John had wanted to leave earlier -- but Carolyn was delayed at the manicurist's, when she decided to change colors and have the manicure redone.

Rory Kennedy was born six months after her father Robert Kennedy's assassination in 1968. She married in a much smaller ceremony held two weeks after JFK Jr.'s death crash, and has had three children.

It would be fey and wistful to imagine life with JFK Jr. alive... he'd be 48 today had he lived. Instead, let's just think of what might have been -- with this lovely collage to help ease the memory.


For Gina L.

Kim in Botswana

Talent-free media monger/amateur porn star Kim Kardashian and her NFL BF Reggie Bush are in Mochundi, Botswana as part of some charitable endeavor.

Botswana is a good place for Kim. Perhaps she'll stay.

Photo by Jemal Countess/KK/Getty Images for Diamond Empowerment Fund

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Luca Toni reacts during a training session in Munich.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, My Name is Luca edition.

Photo by Alexander Hassenstein/Bongarts/Getty Images

Crystal Clear

Billy Crystal as he appeared backstage after attending a performance of "West Side Story" in NYC, and former Secretary of State Madeleine Albright. So alike, and yet only one played one of the first gay characters on TV.

Zsa Zsa in WeHo

Zsa Zsa Gabor popped up in West Hollywood with new hair extensions yesterday, and caught up on a little shopping while exercising her arthritic knees.

These are, by far, the largest sunglasses she has ever worn, but only succeeded in covering half her face. Pity. One must protect from the sun!

Condi and Nancy Go to the Library

Nancy Reagan, 111, made a rare appearance last night at the Simi Valley library named for her late husband, Ronnie. Nancy showed up with some cool new specs for a speech by former Dreckretary of State Condi Rice.

Con is now a fellow (at last!) on Public Policy at the Hoover Institution, and a professor of Poli Sci at Stanford, but maintains her position as one of the most reprehensible characters from the George W. Bush administration.

Photo by David McNew/Getty Images

Barak Obama -- All Star Game

The President in jeans at the All-Star game last night. Obama threw out the first pitch, then hung out in the booth, talking way too long with the announcers, and revealed that Michelle said he "looked cute" in his White Sox jacket.

And he seemed to know she was right.

Getty

Betty Deuce -- Fuchsia Gardens

What are you wearing to your garden parties this summer? Betty Deuce is going fuchsia!

Her majesty threw on this day-glo jacket and dress (with her favorite comfy shoes and purse) for another round of garden partying at the palace.

White gloves go with everything.

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Elizabeth Taylor Keeps Rollin'

There are reports that her holiness has been hospitalized. Don't worry about our lord Elizabeth Taylor. She twittered on July 5th: "I wanted you my friends to know that I'm going into the hospital Wednesday or Thursday to complete a test I was in the middle of."

Liz, 77, is seen here on a visit to gay bar The Abbey in WeHo in March. Dame E has outlived many of her famous friends, including Montgomery Clift, Rock Hudson, Roddy McDowall and now Michael Jackson.

She has also outlived four of her ex husbands. Eddie Fisher is alive.

Chexy's Cartoon Corner

See Cartoons by Daryl Cagle
Courtesy of Politicalcartoons.com
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Woody Guthrie

There's not much film of Dust Bowl balladeer Woody Guthrie, who was born on this day in 1912. He died of Huntington's disease in 1967. Guthrie influenced a generation of folk and rock performers, including Pete Seeger and Bob Dylan.

Guthrie wrote "This Land Is Your Land" because he grew tired of hearing Irving Berlin's "God Bless America" being overplayed on the radio.

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Bangladeshi bowler Mahmudullah (yeah, like Cher) celebrates during a test match between the West Indies and Bangladesh in Kingstown, St. Vincent.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Nice Pants edition.

Photo: Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Singer Nelly adds to his reputation as he strikes a pose in the outfield during the Taco Bell All-Star Legends & Celebrity Softball Game in St. Louis.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, It's True edition.


Photo by Jamie Squire/Getty Images
Hat Tip: Bri Particelli

He Vould Have an Enormous Schwanzstucker

One of the original celebuspawn, Carrie Fisher, in a recent interview with "Extra" about her visit with Michael Jackson and his children -- and the late Peter Boyle in Mel Brooks' "Young Frankenstein." So alike, and yet only one lived as a monk for a few years.

Who Doesn't Love a Big Organ?

Bob Mitchell, organist at the Silent Movie Theatre in Los Angeles, has died at the age of 96, reports Variety. He also accompanied many of the silent screenings as part of the Los Angeles Conservancy. His last performance was in May.

The short clip above was filmed in 2006.

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Michael Henderson of the Titans gets a lift from the Eels during a match somewhere in Australia.

Picking up guys is so easy for them.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Up We Go edition.

Photo by Bradley Kanaris/Getty Images

Amy and the Golden Girls

My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, was quite busy this weekend. She does what she calls her "Golden Girls Exercise," which consists of crossing and uncrossing her legs while watching "Golden Girls." I have the only six-year-old who has collected all four Golden Girl dolls on eBay. Yes, I know, she's mature for six.

She most identifies with Sophia, probably because she's had to mother Carolyn so much. Carolyn was away this weekend with Fahd, at a "June Sales Picnic" with their Amway friends in Fresno. That's Carolyn on the left wearing what appears to be a pair of Fahd's Dockers. I heard something about a barbecue sauce mishap. I don't ask. You can see by Carolyn's expression that she's already quite annoyed.


Fahd's sister Yalda called me and asked if her somewhat troublesome daughter Pushpeh, 8, could spend Sunday with Amy as her Jiffy Lube co-worker was getting married -- AT the Jiffy Lube in Gardena. What am I going to say, no? So Amy and Pushpeh were quietly playing "Rose and Sophia" with Amy's dolls. I went into the kitchen to make lunch while the girls went outside to "garden."

I made some almond butter and blueberry sandwiches with some baked sweet potato fries from Trader Joe's, and walked outside to ask Pushpeh what she wanted to drink -- and found both Amy and Pushpeh smoking Marlboro Lights with Dorothy and Blanche.

I was dumbfounded and sounded remarkably like my own mother when I incredulously asked, "What are you doing?!" as if it weren't obvious. Pushpeh, apparently having been through this before, dropped her smoke and twisted her training heel on it. Amy, knowing at least better than to litter said, "Dad, do you have an ashtray?"

"Just give it to me," I said, sharply, and "Lunch is served." Amy looked at me quizzically, handing me the lit smoke and waiting for me to have some type of apoplectic fit. But I thought that it would be best to let her stew on what I was going to do. "Just go inside," I said, with the best disappointed dad voice I could muster.

The girls went into the kitchen and I stayed outside for a few minutes -- and finished Amy's cigarette with Rose.

Amy appeared at the sliding door about five minutes later with almond butter on her left cheek and said, "I'm sorry."

A well-placed sorry works wonders, and I'm glad she knows that.

Even with imaginary kids, it's always something.

Good Company Too

Recent DUI arrestee, "Three's Company" starlet Joyce DeWitt, 60, and the late Michael Jackson in his infamous mugshot. So alike, and yet only one went to UCLA.



Hat Tip: Johnny Lopez

Chexy's Cartoon Corner

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Paris Hilton in Miami Law

Paris Hilton shows her best side on arrival to Miami Airport.

The talent-free celebrity is in Miami to defend herself against charges that she failed to adequately promote the straight-to-DVD film "Pledge This!" -- she claims scheduling conflicts, but the film's investors think otherwise.

Hilton received $1 million for her "work" on the film.

Paris won a Razzie as Worst Actress for "The Hottie and the Nottie," which had a budget of $2 million... and earned $27,000 at the box office.

Are You Okay, Carl?

The hunkiest of princes, Sweden's Prince Carl Philip, skidded off the track in a race in Falkenberg on Friday, reports Presse-Aregentur. He's okay! His highness also went off a track in September. Take a hint, huh?

"I feel fine," the prince told Expressen newspaper, and I'll just bet he does. "I pushed a little too hard," he added. I would too.

His Porsche Carrera was estimated to be doing some 160 kilometres an hour, which is equivalent to really really fast.

Carl, 30, is, as they say, unmarried.

Auto-Tune the News

Thanks to my old TMZ comrade-in-arms Robby, here's a great piece from "Auto-Tune the News."

Chexy's Saturday Matinee!

Michael Jackson joined the pantheon of gone-too-soon celebrity drug addicts. His brother Jackie sang "Smile," but as Chexy friend David points out -- Judy did the definitive version. She was dead at 47 of an overdose.



Joan Rivers and Geraldo talk about plastic surgery.



Michael's morph.



Jesus promised.

On the Good Ship Camilla

It's been a busy week for Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall! Her Highness loves to play dress up, especially in her navy gear -- as seen here on Friday as she presented medals for the Afghanistan campaign.

Seeing Camilla like this makes me wonder, have you taken your Dulcolax today?



Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images

Michael Jackson Doll

As Blanket Jackson showed us at the memorial service, there's no better way to keep Michael Jackson with you than to carry around a doll made in his likeness, perhaps not this one by SusanCustomCreepyDolls, but I must say, she has captured his essence.


This kicky Thriller doll can keep the zombie MJ alive in your mind, but I'm not sure if there are removable parts like on the real Jackson.


This looks like the one Blanket had at the memorial. While it doesn't come with a hyperbaric chamber, it is still in its original box.

C'mon, Say Chaz

Celebuspawn in transformation Chaz Bono (left) at the opening night of Outfest in Los Angeles, and "Vasectomy: A Delicate Matter" star Paul Sorvino (right). So alike, and yet only one played former Philadelphia Mayor Frank Rizzo.

Camilla and the new Bra!

No, you haven't wandered into one of my dreamscapes. That's really HRH Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, who strolled over to the lingerie section after having a glass of wine at a department store anniversary event.

Wearing her "Salute to Peru" frock, Cam chatted up the salesthings and complained of her never-ending battle to keep her bustline from becoming part of her waistline.


Camilla grabbed another glass of wine, and was delighted when Chuck noticed that she'd changed her bra.

And look at this great crotch shot by Leon Neal...


Getty; Leon Neal

Say Grace

Grace Jones, 61, shows that you're never too old to flash your pukyaki in the name of art, as seen at a club in London last night.

If you think this is appealing, just wait until she's 71 and up to her same old new wave tricks. Move over Madge, there's a new old bitch in town.

Chexy's Sports Roundup

That's Bradley Bolton of the USA during a qualification match in Italy of something called "the boys' hammer." And that's just too easy, so I won't.


And above is Kevin Mayer of France, who won gold in the 1000m "discipline of the boy's Octathlon." And again, I just can't.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Oh Boy edition.

Photos by Michael Steele/Getty Images

Betty Deuce -- Rollin' on Dubs!

Betty Deuce threw on a sexy housecoat and ran down to the living room at Buckingham Palace to confer knighthood on Sir Donald McKinnon. "I dub thee," said she. Look at that room! And I thought my place was a little busy!

Sir Don was honored for his lengthy political service to the Kingdom.

It's nice when a queen calls you sir.

Photo by Johnny Green/WPA Pool/Getty Images

Chexy's Cartoon Corner

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The Bold and the Beautiful

Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Golden Globe 2009, Rumer Willis. Thanks for dressing, Ru.

Miss GG was ready for Halloween at last night's opening of the Moods of Norway store on Robertson Blvd.

You know it's a hot event when the red carpet includes "The Young and the Restless" star Kate Linder.


Psychedelic is back!

Latifah Lite

Queen Latifah, 39, claims to have lost 20 pounds following the Jenny Craig diet.

As you can see by the wall behind her on her way into a taping of the Letterman show, she's a brick house.

Chexy's Fashion Report -- Jean-Paul Gaultier

Wow... Jean-Paul Gaultier's dress at Paris Fashion Week reminded me of Susan Hayward in "Smash-Up"


and Barbara Stanwyck in "Ball of Fire,"


and Jean Harlow in "Dinner at Eight."


I'm all for Deco making a big comeback!

Photo by Dominique Charriau/WireImage

Chexy's Fashion Report: Lacroix

It's Greek Orthodox priest meets Mary Poppins at a funeral -- the latest from Christian Lacroix for fall as seen at Paris Fashion Week.


Not your cup of meat? Then how about this Nanook of the North takes a swim at the Vatican look?


Planning to be a December bride? You can float down the aisle in this Christian catastrophe, and be ready to hang out in a church alcove after the ceremony.

Photos by Chris Moore/Catwalking/Getty Images

Camilla is the Bomb

Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, freezes at attention at the unveiling of a London Bombing Memorial in London's Hyde Park, memorializing the 52 who died in the subway attacks of 2005

Her Royal Highness wore her standard iron-lined brassiere, and struck this panicked position after a light rain began to fall, knowing that it would both ruin the shellacking in her hair and cause her bra to rust.

But she was regal and as lovely as ever, don't you think?

Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images

Betty Deuce, Garden Variety Queen

Betty Deuce busted out her Mad Hatter birthday cake hat for the first Royal Garden Party of the summer, held at Buckingham Palace on Tuesday.

This is how I like seeing Betty; hatted, bright, cheery and freshly powdered. She looks like she's added a little nip to her tea.

And of course, a pearl necklace is always becoming on an old queen.

Photo by Anthony Devlin - WPA Pool/Getty Images

Goodbye Jacko

In the same circus atmosphere in which Michael Jackson lived his life, he now leaves the earthly plane. At the end of the Staples memorial service, the arena will welcome the real circus.

Send in the clowns.



Art: Sarah Weaver

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Cristiano Ronaldo dresses for his first appearance as a player for Real Madrid.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Public Service edition.

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Michael Jackson Appears in Tree

You've seen Mary in a grilled cheese sandwich. Now Michael Jackson has appeared in the knot hole of a tree in Stockton, California.

Oh yeah, I totally see that.

KCRA

Chexy's Fashion Report

Here's a creation that's sure to turn heads, as seen at Hong Kong Fashion Week. Sunblock not included.


And if you're feeling like you don't want to leave home, take your living room with you in this lampshade/sofa combo!


Looking for just the right outfit to wear to Michael Jackson's memorial? Too bad you can't get this timely creation in time.

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What Ever Happened To...

"Three's Company" roomie Joyce DeWitt after her arrest on a DUI this weekend in godforsaken El Segundo near LAX, and hot-headed hubby Robert Blake. So alike, and yet only one no longer uses hair dye.

Chexy's Fashion Report

This undernourished model walked the runway sans pants or a skirt at the Christian Dior show in Paris on Monday.

Leopard hats, hosiery and flashing your pudenda make a hot look for fall.

Photo by Pascal Le Segretain/Getty Images

Katie Holmes -- Will She Survive? Vol. 2

The horrifying success of Scientology is written all over Katie Holmes' face, as seen during her visit to Australia yesterday.

She's finally gotten Clear...asil.


For more Katie Holmes horror, click here.
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Chexy's Sports Roundup

Anthony Laffranchi of the Titans receives a snuggly tackle in a match against the Canberra Raiders.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Gentlemen, Please, There's Enough for Everybody edition.

Photo by Stefan Postles/Getty Images

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Chicago White Sox shortstop Alexei Ramirez misses a grounder in a game against Kansas City. Royals won.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Ballpark Wiener edition.

Photo by Tim Umphrey/Getty Images

Amy and the Cakes

My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, decided she would once again attempt baking, and prepared the above cake for Carolyn's return (she was in Boston looking after her sister Kiki's children -- something about an arrest. I've learned not to ask too many questions, or to at least ask them through the attorneys).

This cake had not been eaten, swore Amy, whose credibility is nearly as suspect as her Aunt Kiki's. "I was trying to make it look like mom's Louis Vuitton bag, but it got kinda fucky." "Funky," I said, correcting her. "Yeah, that too," she answered, using one of my stock lines. She was kind of upset, so I let her make a bundt cake instead.


"This butt cake didn't come out too good either, Ricky," said Amy, whose tearfulness was assuaged by sampling a hefty portion while I was in the other room working. I didn't correct her this time, because she seemed to have appropriately named it.

She begged to make another one, and I thought it best that I help her make a sheet cake, which came out fine. "You can use the icing bag to write welcome on it."


And she did.


Click here for more Amy stories.

Nice Bunting

America's First Family, as they appeared on the 4th of July on a White House balcony at a gathering to honor military heroes and their families on the South Lawn.

The First Lady pledged during the campaign that she would make the issues of military families a priority.

God bless America.

Photo: Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images

Happy Fourth of July!

Take a moment today to cherish your freedom, and remember those still fighting for theirs.

Palin Resigns

That numbskull from the north, Gov. Sarah Palin has announced she's calling it quits. This means one of two things; she's got yet another scandal about to break, or she's decided she can make a LOT more dough without that pesky frozen state to run.

The cooze from Juneau can probably command upwards of $75,000 for a simple one-hour speech -- although it's beyond me how anyone can possibly listen to Wasilla drivel for that long. Then again, there are Republicans who love this imbecile of the ice.

One TV pundit on CNN theorized that traveling all the way from Alaska is just too inconvenient for the twit from the tundra, and that if she's going to make a run in 2012, she needs to be able to travel freely, unencumbered by the demands of Alaska. But my guess is -- there's a scandal coming. I can hardly wait!

Her resignation is perhaps the most patriotic thing she could have possibly done this weekend! Happy Fourth of July!

Harry's Strain

Prince Henry of Wales, that's Harry to you, was spotted on a London street yesterday, looking like he'd just had a bit of good news. I don't mind the wrinkles in his pants.

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Chexy's Sports Roundup

DeMya Walker of the Sacramento Monarchs pushes past Nicky Anosike of the Minnesota Lynx.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Pardon Me, Lady edition.

Photo by David Sherman/NBAE via Getty Images

Jacko in Good Company at Forest Lawn

It looks like Jacko is headed to Forest Lawn, although it's not official yet.

Thanks to my friends at Find-A-Grave.com, we know that Michael Jackson would be in very good company at Forest Lawn.

Among those enjoying eternal rest (without Propofol) in the memorial park: Bette "She did it the hard way" Davis, legendary funnywoman Gracie Allen and George Burns, entertainment giants Nat King Cole and Sammy Davis Jr., W.C. Fields is there, and Walt Disney (if he's not in an O.C. cryogenics lab) is pushing up cartoon daisies there as well. Stooge Larry Fine is there, MGM stars Clark Gable and wife Carole Lombard, Jean Harlow and rerun queen Lucille Ball was there, but Chexydecimal reader David S. tells me Lucy's ashes were moved in 2002 to her hometown of Jamestown, NY -- a rerun even in death!

Chico Marx is playing pinochle in Forest Lawn's beyond, Purina cowboy Tom Mix, Mary Pickford, Jimmy Stewart, Spencer Tracy -- all there.

Just for laughs, Buster Keaton and Stan Laurel's earthly remains are there, as are Ozzie and Harriet, and fellow collector and glitter fan, Liberace.

Chexy's Sports Roundup

A real player on Uruguay's Nacional team comforts another while leaving the field after losing a semi-final match in Argentina.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup -- Somewhat Moist edition.

Photo by Dante Fernandez/LatinContent/Getty Images

You're Getting Sleepy, Very Sleepy

Where did Michael Jackson get the drugs? Everywhere.

Your Chexy was first to report where Michael was on the Monday before his death.

Somebody is in a whole heap o' trouble!

Goodnight, Karl Malden

Here's a scene from a really campy, overblown movie called "Dead Ringer," in which Karl Malden plays a police sergeant, and Bette Davis plays his girlfriend, who murders her twin sister and assumes her identity.

Karl is great in this last reel, especially in the last shot (5:25). You might recognize L.A.'s Greystone mansion. Love the floor. Listen for the hyperbaked Andre Previn score. This film was directed by Bette's old friend Paul Henreid, who memorably lit two cigarettes at once as her co-star in "Now Voyager." Malden died Wednesday at age 97.

Chexy's Fashion Report

How quickly fashion imitates life... and death. That's a model at the 'Black Coffee Fashion Show' yesterday at Mercedes-Benz Fashion Week in Berlin... and below, Michael Jackson's masked hybrid children.


Who's your daddy?


Model Photo: Getty Images
Jackson Photo: Reuters

Camilla and the Medals

Lovely as a summer's day, HRH Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, plopped herself into an amply darted white frock and layered pearls and aerodynamic hat for an appearance at a London medal presentation ceremony.

Her stylist was not among the recipients.

Click here for more Camilla stories.
Photo by Chris Jackson/WPA Pool/Getty Images

You Can Call Me Senator Al

After nearly 8 months of challenges, Stuart Smalley aka Al Franken was finally named Senator from Minnesota.

Franken, seen here with lookalike wife Franni, finally clinched the title after Norm Coleman conceded following a prolonged recount battle.

He's good enough and smart enough!

Beatrice, Look at Me When I'm Talking to You!

HRH Princess Beatrice of York as she looked at a Leukemia fundraiser in London yesterday, and a lemur. So alike, and yet only one is truly adorable.

Photo by Indigo/Getty Images

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Seth Smith of the Colorado Rockies spits.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Sexy Expectoration edition.

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