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Thursday, April 30, 2009

Target Marketing

The GumGum ad that pops up on the Splash site on a pic of Lindsay Lohan attempting to surf in Hawaii is for Promises Treatment Center in Malibu... where Lindsay was a resident after her DUI in 2007.

Click here for more Lohan stories.

Hat tip: Halloran

Springtime for Betty Deuce

A jaunty Betty Deuce visited the D-Day museum in Portsmouth today, wearing a buttery yellow coat dress with a flying buttress collar, topped off with a scrumptious birthday cake hat.

Her majesty has long understood the need for sensible shoes. Nearly 10,000 allied soldiers were killed in the various D-Day battles, and between 4,000-9,000 Germans were killed, wounded or captured.

Camilla is visiting with the Germans now. See next story.

Camilla and Sustainability

Camilla wore her best southwest studded frock and grabbed a hefty serving of the grape to mingle last night at a sustainability event at the Deutsche Historische Museum in Berlin, where guests dared to approach her royal highness to marvel at her self-sustaining hair.

In an informal agreement, Camilla will herself become an exhibit on alternating Thursdays beginning in October.

Image: Getty

Ya Gotta Have Heart

Sir Elton John, 62, and Liza May Minnelli, 63, turned out for the Breast Cancer Research Foundation Party at the Waldorf Astoria in Manhattan.

Elton's AIDS foundation has raised over $125 million. Liza's appearances at various galas have raised millions.

Liza's mother, Judy Garland, died of an accidental drug overdose forty years ago this June. She was 47. Jack Haley died at age 80 in 1979. He was beloved in Vaudeville for taking a stand against racism.

Whatever you can do to make things better, do it. Even the smallest act counts.

Photo by Kevin Mazur/WireImage

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Black-Eyed Cleopatra

Fergie showed up at the "X-Men" opening, because she hasn't had enough press lately, so she wore a dress once worn by an extra in the Liz Taylor version of "Cleopatra," and some klunky-ass shoes to show off her sexy knees.

Ferg looks best with her hair off her face, or covering it entirely.

Teddy and BoBo

This photo of President Obama and Senator Ted Kennedy was taken on the grounds of the White House just before the signing of the Kennedy Service Act on April 21.

Yah, this is old news, but I just found this pic and liked it.

Official White House Photo by Pete Souza

Camilla and the Germans

Her Royal Highness, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, appears to be telling German President Horst Koehler a "Did you hear the one about the German who walked into a bar?" joke.

Times are tough for the royals -- this is the second time in a week that Camilla has worn that fringed dress!

Chuck and Cammy blitzed into Berlin as part of a trip to several European cities, and the Germans blitzed London nearly 70 years ago.

Photo by Sean Gallup/Getty Images

'American Idol' -- Rat Pack Night?

This was about as close to the Rat Pack as Jay Leno is to funny. Yes, it all seemed to be what it was supposed to be, but mostly served to remind how much it was not at all like what the Rat Pack was.

Winsome Kris Allen opened with the 1936 song "The Way You Look Tonight," written by Jerome Kern and Dorothy Fields. It's pretty hard to go wrong with a song like that, and Kris fluffed it up with enough elongated and bent notes to make it his own, but his wow factor was more like a "what's next?" effect.

George and Ira Gershwin were likely spinning in their graves after fuchsia-haired Allison Iraheta gave their 1926 masterpiece "Someone to Watch Over Me" her scream treatment. A rasp like that on a 17-year-old is just wrong. You just know there's a carton of Marlboro Menthols in this girl's room. And they're not soft packs.

Matt Giraud put on a hat to hide his unfortunate Cyclopian mole and sang the Rodgers and Hart classic "My Funny Valentine" with all of the ordinariness one would expect of a singer... on a summer tour of "American Idol" finalists.

Harold Arlen and Johnny Mercer wrote "Come Rain or Come Shine" in one October evening in 1945, and it took Danny Gokey just under three minutes to belt it so horribly that it will take me at least ten more minutes to forget it.

Adam Lambert made one of the best entrances since Loretta Young swept down the stairs in her old TV show, landing on his feet to sing the obscure Anthony Newley/Leslie Bricusse "Feelin' Good," accentuated by the "Idol" lighting crew that likes to keep his Lancomed face in the dark. At least he had some of the swank of the Rat Pack, but none of the swagger.

Overall, a most disappointing evening of songs. Jamie Foxx attempted to coach the five finalists, but while I love Jamie for who he is, he's not a singing mentor, but he's certainly as well identified with hanging out in Las Vegas as anyone.

I'm guessing Matt Giraud goes home.

Top Image:
Props to CLC Andy for Loretta Young

The Impossible Beauty of Zac Efron

Click the pic to see Zac Efron up close. That's how the 21-year-old looked at a photo call for "17 Again" in Madrid.

As my grandmother would say... "Did you know he was Jewish?"

Click here for more Zac posts!

Photo by Carlos Alvarez/Getty Images

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Betty 2 Remembers Henry 7

Isn't it a bitch when some old queen dresses up and steals all the thunder from your best outfit?

That's how it was for one of the two above as Betty Deuce and The Very Reverend Dr. John Hall, Dean of Westminster Abbey, attended a commemoration service on the 500th anniversary of the death of King Henry VII.

Her majesty's dress and cap will be returned to the surgical wing of Royal London Hospital.

Photo by Indigo/Getty Images

Camilla Goes Dotty!

Oh it's a great day to be Italian! Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, arrived to Italy, where she was immediately hauled down to a dock to remove banned chemicals from her hair. Wearing her trademark pearl necklace, a skirt by Dr. Seuss and jacket on loan from a British Airways flight attendant, her royal highness went willingly -- followed by a guy in one of those douchey beards that look good on no one.


Tom Hanks Must Be Honored

Tom Hanks, this year's honoree at the Film Society of Lincoln Center Gala, appears with wife Rita Wilson to accept the accolades of filmdom's admirers.

What kind of a world do we live in that so much time should elapse before handing Tom Hanks another honor he so overwhelmingly deserves? Yes, there's a recession and all, I get it, but we must honor Tom Hanks often and well, that he may never think for a moment, or a week, or even for twenty minutes that we don't love him well enough to give him a banquet, a televised dinner or at least an engraved plaque.

Back in 2002, AFI finally gave Hanks their Life Achievement Award, having made him wait until he was an ancient 45. That's just not right. He's now 52 and as they say, he's not getting any younger. It's time they handed over a Nobel Prize for something or other. I'm sure some scientist wouldn't mind being overlooked for a year in order for Tom to be recognized. And why not give him a Pulitzer, a Peabody and hand over a lifetime supply of People's Choice Awards that he so richly deserves?

Surely President Obama can toss in a Medal of Arts and have a government building named for Hanks. Why not just rename Washington D.C.? From now on, I think we should all refer to Washington as Hanksville until this injustice is addressed.

Thank you for listening. God bless America, and God bless Tom Hanks.

Photo by Mark Von Holden/Getty Images

Monday, April 27, 2009

Swine Flu Advice

The CDC recommends taking these everyday precautions:

• Avoid contact with people if you, or they, are sick. Also avoid people who make you sick.

• Stay at home — from work, school or other public activities — when you are ill, or just feeling like you deserve a day off.

• Shield others from your coughs and sneezes by using a tissue, or your t-shirt sleeve, whichever is more convenient.

• Wash your hands often -- obsessive/compulsive disorders can save your life!

• Keep your hands away from your eyes, nose or mouth, and if you're a stooge, keep them away from others.

• Maintain healthful habits — get ample sleep and exercise, drink fluids, eat well, know where to get good Chinese food.

Currently, there's no vaccine for humans that prevents swine flu, though scientists are working on one. Do not hold it against all pigs.

Camilla and the Answered Prayers

Her Royal Highness, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall is seen leaving the Vatican, where a playful bishop (they're trouble!) pretended to threaten Camilla if she didn't cover her face.

The Prince and Duchess are in Italy as part of official visits to the Holy See, which they'll follow with a stop in Germany.

Her pearl necklace was not a gift from the bishop.

Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images

Amy and the Eastern Bloc

My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, spent the weekend in and around Boston with Carolyn and her sisters, Coleen and Crystal. Their mother, Big Carolyn, would have named them all Carolyn had there not been some legal ramifications, and there was apparently a shortage of the letter L at the time of Coleen's birth. You'll recognize Carolyn in the middle (below), although I know it's hard to tell the three apart. As you can see by her expression, she's quite enjoying the visit.

Coleen (left) has been a tour guide at the Paul Revere House for sixteen years, and she's almost got the tour memorized. Amy enjoyed seeing the kitchen, but was quite disappointed that "they didn't have nothing to eat there," she said, having quickly adapted the patois of her Auntie Coleen, who doesn't have to wear period clothing on the job, but does.

Amy especially enjoyed visiting her Aunt Crystal, night manager of a Dunkin' Donuts in Northampton, where Crystal is very popular among the local cops (and truckers), and now with Amy, no doubt as the result of providing an endless supply of Munchkins -- the "holes" from donuts made real in a sugary ball of dietary terror.

In addition to having a new taste for coffee, Amy is now of the opinion that Munchkins are the "mostest deliciousest things everer," says she, adapting the annoyingly ungrammatical superlatives favored by her maternal relations.

Carolyn and Amy flew back to Los Angeles, coach, and Amy was "very happy we had no one in the seat next to us so we could be "more comfortabler."

I picked them up at LAX and found, to my horror, that Coleen had flat-ironed Amy's hair. Yes, I know, she's big for six. Amy brought me a small gift... one Munchkin... which had, at a time before the flight, been a box of twelve.

And she asked me for a bite.

Click here for more Amy stories.

Billy at the Factory

Prince William of Wales, 26, pauses to greet his young fans at a manufacturing plant in Rochester, England.

The prince has been serving in the Royal Air Force, training to be a pilot.

Photo by Arthur Edwards/WPA Rota/Getty Images

Sunday, April 26, 2009

Over 200 Cable Channels...

... and I'm watching "I Love Lucy," the real housewives of New York City.

Miss Aniston

First grade teacher Jennifer Aniston of Waterbury, Conn., who last week adopted a second cat from the Waterbury Animal Shelter on Municipal Road. The cats are named Brad One and Brad Two. Jennifer nearly adopted a female collie named Angelina, but decided that she couldn't deal with the bitch, who was euthanized.

Miss Aniston, who leads the yearly St. Jude's Hospital charity drive, has no children of her own, but says, "my cats are my kitties."


Saturday, April 25, 2009

Goodbye Bea

Chexy's Saturday Matinee!

Ella Fitzgerald, the best singer who ever lived, born on this day in 1917. From a German TV recording in 1974, here's Ella with "It Don't Mean a Thing."

One more, here's Ella LIVE in Japan at age 76 with "How High the Moon."

Edward R. Murrow, born on this day in 1908, died of lung cancer at age 57. One of the greats of journalism... introducing the colossal achievement of public television station WNDT, which became WNET.

Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire in "Follow the Fleet" ... an astounding 3 minutes of tapping. Lots of sailors!

Friday, April 24, 2009


Beyonce and My Hair

When I was ten years old, my cousin Eddie took me to a fancy barbershop on La Cienega Blvd. to get my hair straightened. With a not
too different cut, I looked just like Beyonce as she appeared last night at a screening of her new film, "Obsessed." The goal was to look like Glen Campbell, but we missed by virtue of genetics.

I saw B on Larry King Live (not quite dead) talking about how she did some improv while filming. Writers just love that. Of course, with the amount of lye seeping into her head, it's possible that her creativity has reached a peak of flux.

I found a way to torment my hair to get it to look like Glen Campbell's. I would comb it the opposite way, then spray it down with a half can of Aqua Net, then comb it out after sleeping on it.

The result was that I looked more like Soupy Sales. "Obsessed" opens this weekend.

Chexy's Sports Roundup

This photo was taken at a match between the Rabbitohs and the Sharks in Australia. I don't know what just happened here, but I have a pretty good idea.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Write Your Own Jokes edition.

Photo by Cameron Spencer/Getty Images

Shirley Maclaine is 75

She's one of the greatest actresses of our time -- and she's 75 today. Check out this clip from a radio interview where the legend talks about aliens.

Chexy's Sports Roundup

Courtenay Dempsey of the Bombers competes with coach Matthew Knights during an Essendon Bombers training session in Melbourne.

This has been Chexy's Sports Roundup, Fosse Fosse Fosse edition.

Photo by Mark Dadswell/Getty Images

Thursday, April 23, 2009

America Tortures

Whoever says America doesn't torture has never sat through an episode of "Two and a Half Men."

Now they're pointing fingers at Condoleezza Rice for authorizing such interrogation techniques as waterboarding. Forcing someone to watch a sitcom until they reveal all is a lot easier on the national image.

The Emperor Has New Clothes

His Imperial Majesty, Emperor Akihito, tuxed it up for the Japan Prize Award Ceremony in Tokyo. Empress Michiko opted for a bland kimono and a pale obi (which are rarely seen outside of crossword puzzles). The prizes, worth $500K, go to scientists who contribute to the development of science and technology.

No one dared tell the Emperor that his sleeves looked a little short.

Photo by Junko Kimura/Getty Images


Donatella Versace at a cocktail party last night for a new furniture line in Italy... and an old Volkswagen. So alike, and yet only one has been completely restored.


Fergie of Hacienda Heights winces at the Pop Music Awards in Hollywood as the shimmering Hefty Cinch Sak she's wearing begins to rip.

Photo by Frederick M. Brown/Getty Images

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

Rootin' Tootin' Duchess o' Cornwall!

Her Royal Highness, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, eschewed makeup and lipstick (who'll notice?) for a trip to the racetrack at Epsom Downs -- and continued with her Annie Oakley look! Pow pow!

It appears that Camilla is also freshly reblondered, using the latest in steel carbon technology. Yippee ay ooooooooooo!

Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images

Disney Does Dallas

"Dallas" star and infomercial cosmetics huckster Victoria Principal as she appeared last night at an opening in Malibu, and Disney toon in mascot form, Minnie Mouse. So alike, and yet only one is training to be one of the first female civilian astronauts on a commercial space flight in 2010, and only one made her debut in 1928's "Plane Crazy."

Chexydecimal is One!

Chexydecimal celebrates its first birthday today!

After one year and nearly one thousand posts, your Chexy would like to thank a few folks for their kindness and support. First, my imaginary daughter Amy, 6, who made the cake you see above, in honor of this auspicious day. Yes, I know she's advanced for six. Thanks to my family, and yes, that includes Carolyn and Fahd.

I'd like to thank my many muses, especially Lamay Dot Auchincloss (no relation) for her unwavering support and giggles. To my dear comrades at Spacely Sprockets (you all know who you are), thanks for reading.

Special thanks to Stephen Saban at World of Wonder for his kindness and encouragement. Thanks to the chain gang at TMZ (Johnny, David B., Brian P., Frankie and Leslie), Towleroad, Bob Staake, Helen Thomas, and the head bitch at Oh Bitch Pleez.

Personal thanks to
Bob M., Andy, Mikee, G$, Katzy, Cambria, Gunny, Capt. Morgan, Eric, Heshy, Brian, Charlie, Kevvy, and most of all, you!



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Thinking of Hugh

Yup, that's how I think of Hugh Jackman, on all fours...

... getting his hand and footprints installed at Grauman's Chinese Theatre... as he did on Tuesday.


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