Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Time's Up!


Doesn't everyone like a nice big clock? I said clock.

Whatever you were going to get done in 2008, you've done! Congratulations! Now it's time to move on to 2009, so make your wish lists and get busy!

Here comes our new president, full of hope and anticipation of a better world. America will rally... it always does.

Be brave, be strong, and by all means be of good cheer and love one another! Peace and happiness in the New Year!

When Crackers Pop


Alaskan cracker Bristol Palin, 18, daughter of noted imbecile and failed VP candidate Gov. Sarah Palin, has joined the parade of 18-year-old high school dropout moms after giving birth to a little bastard named Tripp, not to be confused with his Down Syndrome Uncle Trig.

Her baby daddy is hunky hockey player Levi Johnston, 18, son of accused Oxycontin dealer
Sherry Johnston of Wasilla, now a proud felon grandma.

What a lovely family. Here's an excerpt from Levi's MySpace page, before it was made private:

"I’m a fuckin’ redneck who likes to snowboard and ride dirt bikes. But I live to play hockey. I like to go camping and hang out with the boys, do some fishing, shoot some shitt and just fuckin’ chillin’ I guess. Ya fuck with me I’ll kick ass."


Now these dumbasses are going to pocket $300,000 for pix of their li'l Ritz Bit.

Paris Hilton Meets Her Match


At last, Paris Hilton has met someone who is her mental equal. No, that's not Benji Madden, it's some kind of mascot for an online New Year's Eve party she's pimping in Australia. They make a cute couple!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Obama Inauguration Preview


On the Saturday before the inauguration, President-elect Obama will hop a train in Phildelphia, then stop in Delaware to pick up VP-elect Joe Biden, and stop again for a celebration in Baltimore. On Sunday, there will be a welcome event open to the public. Monday, January 19th is Martin Luther King Day, which will be observed by Obama and Biden by participating in activities dedicated to serving others in communities across the D.C. area.

On Tuesday, January 20th, Obama and Biden will take their oaths of office. Here's how it'll play:

First we'll hear some musical selections from the fabulous Marine Corps Band (one of their bands will also appear in the Rose Parade), then a performance by the San Francisco Boys and Girls Choruses.

Then there's the formality of a "Call to Order," and Senator Diane Feinstein of California will make welcoming remarks (she helped negotiate the peace between Obie and Hillary).

Next up is an invocation by controversial Pastor Rick Warren, whose participation was met with disgust by the gay community because of Warren's support of Prop. 8 and his Neanderthal statements about homosexuality. But Barack is apparently including him in the name of "dialogue" on difficult social issues.


Then it's Aretha Franklin singing an as yet unnamed selection, followed by Associate Supreme Court Justice Paul Stevens administering the Oath of Office to VP-elect Joseph Biden.

This will be followed by more music from a mini orchestra selected by film composer John Williams, featuring violinist Itzhak Perlman, cellist Yo-Yo Ma, pianist Gabriela Montero and clarinetist Anthony McGill.


At Noon, Chief Justice of the United States Supreme Court John G. Roberts, Jr., will then administer the Presidential Oath of Office to Barack Obama, who has asked that Lincoln's bible be used in the ceremony, borrowed for the day from the Library of Congress. Barack's swearing-in precedes the 200th anniversary of Lincoln's birth by a few weeks. It is the first time since Lincoln's inauguration that the bible has been used in a presidential swearing-in ceremony.


Immediately following the oath, the bands play four ruffles and flourishes and "Hail to the Chief," followed by a 21-gun salute from howitzers of the Presidential Salute Battery, 3d United States Infantry Regiment (The Old Guard).

President Obama will then deliver his Inaugural Address, one of the most anticipated speeches in the history of the United States, and it should be a doozy.

Some reports say there will then be a poem by Elizabeth Alexander.

A benediction will then be delivered by Reverend Dr. Joseph E. Lowery, a former civil rights leader and retired pastor of Atlanta's Cascade United Methodist Church, who is gay-friendly.


The National Anthem will be performed for President Obama by the U.S. Navy Band Sea Chanters.

Then Obama will have to start fixing this mess we're in.

Caroline Kennedy, You Know

Hey kids, here's Caroline Kennedy proving why you've got to stop saying "you know" so much. And while you're at it, quit saying "like" every third word. Like now.



ABC news reports that The New York Times transcript of its interview with Kennedy showed her using "you know" 142 times.

Monday, December 29, 2008

Presidential Casual


The future leader of the free world took his daughters for some shaved ice in Hawaii over the weekend, wearing shorts, tee shirt and sandals. That's how he stays cool.

Look for Hawaii's tourist industry to pick up.

Amy and Christmas in Torrance


My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, spent Christmas with Carolyn and Fahd (above in their Christmas finery) and Big Carolyn (visting again) at the home of Fahd's sister, Yalda, a clerk at the Jiffy Lube in Torrance, and her husband, Hank, who runs a Public Storage facility in Gardena, and according to Amy is missing the top of a thumb.

Fahd drove Amy and the Carolyns down to Torrance in his Kia, because, Amy tells me, "Mommy's car still has an orange boot on it." Amy sent me these photos from her Hello Kitty cell phone. I have told Carolyn no fewer than one time that horizontal stripes were not slimming.


Mercifully, Amy did not ask about the circumstances surrounding the extirpation of Hank's thumb. "Texting must be difficult," offered my sympathetic Amy, seen here enjoying "the delicious Kentucky Fried Chicken they reheated, because they had to get it on Wednesday." Yes, I know she's big for 6.


"They did a lot of eggnogging," said Amy of her holiday hosts, "so I just played with the dolls they had on a table near the Christmas tree."
Carolyn told me that Amy occupied herself by using moistened red paper napkins to fashion new clothes and turbans for the figurines in Yalda's nativity creche, giving Mary a two-piece outfit and headband, and the baby Jesus a tiny Santa cap by fashioning a piece of tissue into a pompom (artist's miraculous conception below).


Yalda was not amused, but Amy said Hank thought it was "beauty-full." Amy then showed Hank how she could take off the top of her thumb too, recreating the thumb removal trick my Uncle Vernon taught her.


Click here for more Amy stories.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Chexy's Sunday Sermonette

Photobucket

All beings desire happiness; therefore to all extend your benevolence.
-Mahavamsa

Because one has pity upon every living creature, therefore is a person called "holy."
-Dhamapada

Like as a mother at the risk of her life wa
tches over her only child, so also let everyone cultivate toward all beings a boundless, friendly mind.
-Metta-sutta

Hurt not others with that which pains yourself.
-Udanavarga

I cannot have pleasure while another grieves and I have power to help him.
-Jatakamala


With pure thoughts and fullness of love, I will do toward others what I do for myself.
-Lalita Vistara

If you desire to do something pleasing to me, then desist from hunting forever! The poor beasts of the forest, being... dull of intellect, are worth of pity for this very reason.
-Jatakamala

You will generously follow the impulse of pity, I hope.
-Jatakamala

Good men melt with compassion even for one who has wrought them harm.
-Kshemendra's Avadana Kalpata

To make an end of selfishness is happiness.
-Udanavarga

-There is no happiness except in righteousness.
-Attanagalu-vansa






All quotes:
The Essence of Buddhism
from the 1922 Ten Cent Pocket Book Series #325
published by Haldeman-Julius Company

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Chexy's Saturday Matinee!


Here's the Benny Goodman Orchestra with Gene Krupa on the drums, and Harry James on trumpet with "Sing, Sing, Sing," from 1937's "Hollywood Hotel. This still kicks ass.




Bring on the Chinese acrobats!



Ever seen a giant octopus? From the BBC... this footage is quite amazing.




The Nicholas Brothers, Fayard and Harold, in 1940's "Down Argentine Way."

Friday, December 26, 2008

A Very Betty Christmas


Her Majesty, Betty Deuce, slapped on this spectacular holiday bowler for Christmas Day services at St. Mary's Church in Sandringham yesterday, and in the spirit of the season, B2 actually smiled!


Now let's take a look at some of yesterday's other wacky royal hats! Here's Zara Phillips, the Queen's granddaughter, in a helicopter-like bonnet she had trouble keeping on her head.


It looks like someone told Camilla she was going to a funeral! This craptabulous topper looks like she woke up late and dragged it out of the Christmas fireplace and plopped it on her peroxided noggin! Well, not like she dragged it out, but the royal milliner, of course. Looks like Cam gave her makeup artist the day off... or he just finally gave up.


Photos by Chris Jackson/Getty Images

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Eartha Leaves Earth


The fabulous Eartha Kitt died Christmas Day in Connecticut of colon cancer at age 81.

She performed for 60 years as an unlikely international star, born of mixed-race in the South. She memorably denounced the Vietnam war -- during a visit to the White House for lunch with Lady Bird Johnson. Her life spanned three autobiographies, and she enjoyed many romances with famous men.

She burst onto the scene in "New Faces of 1952," along with Paul Lynde, her first album followed in 1954, including her mega-hits, "I Want to Be Evil," "C'est Si Bon," and the classic "Santa Baby," a Christmas evergreen.


She appeared in films and television, including a memorable turn as Catwoman in the "Batman" series. She was invited back to the White House by Jimmy Carter.

She learned to perform in over a dozen languages, and her hit "Usku Dara" was in Turkish.

"I'm an orphan. But the public has adopted me and that has been my only family," she told the Post online. "The biggest family in the world is my fans."

Eartha joins the galaxy of great stars who have died on Christmas Day, including Dean Martin in 1995, and Charlie Chaplin in 1977 and W.C. Fields in 1946.


Source: AP

Merry Christmas to All


Merry Christmas to all!

And the merriest Christmas of all
will be when no group is denied rights for being
the way God made them.


Pray for peace and prosperity.

Love,

Your Chexy


Christmas Mass


Pope Benedict XVI admires an altar boy at Christmas Mass at St. Peter's Basilica in Vatican City, where the Pope appealed for an end to all forms of child abuse.

The Roman Catholic church in the United States paid out $615 million dollars in 2007 for child sex abuse cases involving members of the clergy, 54 percent more than the previous year.


More than 5,000 priests out of the 42,000 across the United States have been denounced for sexual abuse.


Photo by Franco Origlia/Getty Images

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Bush Bush


Presidumb George W. Bush appeared to be relieving himself behind a bush outside the White House before boarding Marine One for what will likely be his final visit to Camp David, where the disgraced First Family will spend Christmas.

Only 26 days to go.

Clay's a Sketch

While we're all in the mind of miraculous births, Clay Aiken, Unlikely Father of the Year 2008, received that venerable Broadway honor of having his caricature posted at Sardi's restaurant in Manhattan. The formerly myopic former "American Idol" runner-up chose a hot pink shirt with a nubby V-neck pullover for his moment in the Great White Way sun.

This was Mr. Aiken five years ago at his "Idol" audition...


Click here for more Clay Aiken stories.

Panda Party


Dancers celebrate as a pair of giant pandas arrive in Taiwan on a visit from China.

Human rights violations be damned -- send in the pandas!


Sam Yeh/AFP/Getty Images

Fishy Santa


This wacky scene of a Santa Claus diver draws thousands annually at a South Korean aquarium. Ho ho ho.

Photo by Chung Sung-Jun/Getty Images

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Christmas with Sarah Palin


My adorable co-worker Halloran sent me this gem today. I only wish I'd thought of it.

Lie, Condi, Lie


Failed Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice subjected her conk to the hot lights of "Meet the Press" on Sunday, where she met with the polite questioning of new host David Gregory, who desperately needs a last name.

Lying through the gap in her teeth, Condi defended the failed war in Iraq as a great cause for bringing democracy to the Middle East -- a democracy that routinely tortures, imprisons and murders homosexuals.

Struggling to find something redeeming to say, Condi lauded the removal of Sadaam Hussein, who was a very bad man who murdered "300,000 of his own people." She neglected to mention the 100,000 Iraqis dead since the US invasion.


One of the most tangible results of the Bushian "initiative" to bring democracy to the middle east, is the ascension to power of Hamas. Nice going!

Among the most memorable lies of Condi's tenure: "We had no way to predict that they would fly planes into buildings," when there were specific warnings about just that in advance of the G8 meeting in the summer before 9/11.


Now this prevaricating academe can get to her lucrative speechmaking tour, while Hillary Clinton attempts to mop up the mess this former Chevron slag has left her.

Last Chance, Hoffman


Dustin Hoffman, 71, thought he'd make another movie as an even more unlikely romantic lead than ever, this time snagging British beauty Emma Thompson in "Last Chance Harvey," in which he and his 20-plus-years junior co-star challenge each other to a "shitty day" contest on a chance meeting. Already we're in trouble.

It's time for Hoffman to play the crusty old grandpa in an ABC shitcom, or a crabby pharmaceutical spokesperson like Wilford Brimley, not the object of pathetic affection in a fizzy holiday romantic comedy. Feh.

When Idiots Collide


Spencer Pratt was accidentally bludgeoned last night at the NYC party for "The Hills" Season 4 at Tavern on the Green when one of Heidi Montag's bolt-on implants sprang loose from her dress and clobbered Spencer across the jaw, knocking him unconscious.

In the same instant, as Heidi bent down to reposition herself, she collided with Spencer's oversized head, knocking herself unconscious as they both collapsed in a steaming heap of hype, stupidity and peroxide.

No one came to their assistance because no one fucking cared.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Camilla and the Flat Boots


The hottest blond across the pond, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, took time out of her busy holiday slouching schedule on Sunday to visit the Emmaus Charity Shop in Nailsworth, where she did not buy this hideous purple plaid outfit, which may have been salvaged from a Norwegian folk dancing troupe in 1973.

Her loveliness had on the latest in footwear chic, the flat boot, which has clearly improved her regal stance, and the bouquet she's holding emphasizes her delicate ladylike appearance, much like a trucker in lace.

Friends Meeting

Jennifer Aniston outside of "Late Night with David Letterman" last week, and Zac Efron at Mattel Children's Hospital at UCLA this weekend. So alike, and yet one of them is pretty.



Click
here for more
JenZac.

Photos: WireImage

Aloha, Obama


What do you do after you've kicked around a plan to create three million jobs to help save the US economy? Why, you go hit a few balls in Kailua, Hawaii! Obie took time to add 500,000 jobs to his plan, and created a task force to protect working families.

The new Roosevelt Democrat inherits quite a mess from Bushie, whose one great accomplishment has been the evisceration of the Republican party. Mission accomplished.

In other Dem news, comedian Al Franken led Coleman by 262 votes as the state Canvassing Board finished four days of work resolving hundreds of disputed ballots in the Senate race in Minnesota. Franken in the Senate should be one of the great political highlights of the next six years.


Photo: Tim Sloan/AFP/Getty Images

LaBelle Staffers Down


Eleven stylists were treated for exhaustion after LaBelle performed at the Apollo Theatre in New York on Friday. Patti LaBelle, Sarah Dash and Nona Hendryx had their weaves whipped into a fright and were squeezed and stuffed into haute couture for the evening.

At last report, the stylists were resting comfortably at Harlem Hospital, with one hair person still in serious condition, although he is expected to recover.



Photo by Brad Barket/Getty Images

Amy and the Festival of Lights

My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, has decided that she is going to be Jewish. "Let's face it Ricky, the Jews know how to eat," declared my epicurean little Daughter of Zion, having spent an explosive Thanksgiving with Carolyn's family, whose tragic repasts would soon enough become a thing of Amy's goyishe past. Here she is enjoying a not too dainty mouthful. Yes, I know she's big for 6.


Her declaration of food-based faith came after a Sunday filled with the sated epiphany one has after eating my cousin Ellen's perfect latkes; culinary baubles of potato, onion, chicken fat and sodium -- a perfect storm of carbs and cholesterol topped with a dairy snowball of sour cream and a drizzle of applesauce -- perhaps an afterthought to try to keep the cardiologist away.


One's appetite for the Hanukkah treat is whetted by Ellen's other artery-clogging masterpiece -- an amuse-bouche of a small hillside of chopped liver, served with
gribenes, the tasty cracklings of chicken skin and onions massacred in the rendering of chicken fat. Just like the miracle of Hanukkah, in which the light burning in the synagogue lasted eight days on just one day's oil, the heartburn from this meal might last that long as well. "It's all about the gribenes," offered Amy, whose love for fatty foods seems to transcend nurture... for the DNA of Sarah and Rebecca.


Her taste analysis inspired the requisite smothering of kisses and pinches from my Tanta Rose, which Amy endured as only a descendant of slaves who've known great suffering could.


On the way home, Amy insisted that we stop to pick up the now car-less Carolyn (left), who has already begun her community service sentence (for her multiple traffic warrants) by picking up trash along the freeways.


Ellen had given Amy several latkes wrapped in foil for Carolyn -- which Carolyn ate right there on the off-ramp -- putting the foil in her orange bag.


Click here for more Amy stories.

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Chexy's Sunday Sermonette

From Chexydecimal Atlanta Bureau Chief Harris


The signmakers along the road of science have always utilized a common map; the scientific method which has guided them through the past to an unequivocal
future. The scientific method is a map to the future from any crossroads, and it is clear even if all of the signposts along the way are not yet visible.

Ethics intersect with science at various crossroads, but the traverse of ethicists doesn't require a map. They know the right way and the wrong way, a conclusion realized neither by investigation nor objective thought, but by provenance. They follow signs of their own creation, insisting that all who follow another path do so at their peril.

The signmakers at the Holy See are attempting to make some new signs for the future of science, as the Vatican detailed its opposition this month to use of embryos for stem cell research, plus its distaste for cloning and in-vitro fertilization -- leading to all kinds of continued misery for the sick, and continued frustration for infertile couples. The Vatican's
signposts for those suffering from diseases lead not toward a cure, relief, nor a better life, but toward a reward believed to be delivered after the suffering of this life has ended.

If you happen to follow The Vatican's signs, remember Copernicus, Galileo and Darwin, but pay no attention to them. They were just whiners.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Chexy's Saturday Matinee!


I'm feeling a little cowboyish. Here's Freddie Slack and his orchestra with Ella Mae Morse singin' Cow Cow Boogie, in what we'd have to call an early "video," circa 1945.



Here's a gem I'd never seen before, starring two of the greatest singers who ever lived. They adored each other; Frank Sinatra and Ella Fitzgerald in what appears to be an early '60s TV clip, singing the utterly gorgeous "Moonlight in Vermont."



And now, this hot mess I found on YouTube who calls himself so4real, attempting to sing "The Christmas Song." Check out the cat suffering in the background. If you can't wait for "American Idol," this is for you.



From 1969, Duke Ellington, Willie the Lion Smith and the great Billy Taylor -- three dudes playing piano on the David Frost show. Perdido, by Ellington.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Lookalikes in the Attic

Burlesque queen Dita Von Teese without makeup, and the new wax figure of diarist Anne Frank at Madame Tussauds in Berlin. So alike, and yet one died in 1945 at the Bergen-Belsen concentration camp.

Tom Cruise: The Inner Dialog


Hey, it's me, Suri's Thetan dad. I've made this shitty Hitler movie. That's me last night at the L.A. premiere, trying not to look too gay or crazy. And let me tell you, this movie is an albatross -- not only for the studio, but for me too. Worse than Katie is. I just can't do my thing with that girl always moping around, having to get reprogrammed all the time. She just won't let Xenu rescue her. More testing. Yes, more testing. That's what she needs. Oh, and a burger. Bitch is too thin. My man-o-rexia isn't nearly as bad as hers. *crazy laughter here*

Please don't look directly at me when you speak to me. I'm above all of you. My farts smell like Pop Tarts. I've been chosen by L.Ron to spread the gospel of brainwashing and you know if you speak against us, we'll get you. We will find you and get you. We will. We are everywhere. We inhabit souls of inanimate objects too. I know, because my blender told me. Because I can help. People come to me because I can help. I could have killed Hitler you know, but my wayback machine sucks. *crazy hesitant laughter* Did you see me on TV with Matt Lauer and Dave Letterman, trying to look all normal and shit? Do you think anyone bought it? Wait, I will ask Xenu.

*crazy stare* Oh, Xenu says I have to go now, because Suri needs her battery pack recharged, and Katie needs her "medicine." I can fly you know.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Rumer Mill


Celebuspawn Rumer Willis (left) last night at the Hollywood Foreign Press Association's "Young Hollywood" tribute, and an orangutan (right). So alike, but only one is a natural redhead.

Caroline Kennedy -- A Real Profile in Courage


Her older sister Arabella was stillborn. When she was 5, her father was shot to death in Dallas. When she was 10, her uncle was shot to death in Los Angeles. In 1999, her brother's plane fell out of the sky, killing him (and his wife and sister-in-law). Her other brother, Patrick, died of respiratory distress two days after
he was born in 1963. Her mother, Jacqueline, died of cancer in 1994 at age 64.


The last surviving child of JFK, Caroline Kennedy, 51, has emerged as the leading candidate to fill Hillary Clinton's Senate seat, which seems appropriate, since Caroline and her Uncle Ted's surprise endorsement of Barack Obama seems to have been the turning point in his campaign, sending Clinton's candidacy into a tailspin from which it never recovered.

(L to R) Tatiana, Ted, Rose, John, Patrick, Caroline, Barack, Eunice, Jean, Ted's wife Vicki and her son.

Caroline chaired the committee to find Obama's Veep. Some (including your Chexy) thought Obama would appoint her Ambassador to Great Britain (a post once held by her grandfather, Joseph P. Kennedy). But she had her eye on a bigger prize.

The pic below shows Caroline at the '08 Democratic convention with her three children (
L to R) Rose Kennedy Schlossberg, 20, Tatiana Celia Kennedy Schlossberg, 18, and John Bouvier Kennedy Schlossberg, 15. Her husband, Edwin, a museum designer and author, mostly avoids the limelight.


NY Governor David Paterson, who replaced Luv Guv Eliot Spitzer, has sole discretion in appointing Clinton's successor. On Tuesday, Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said he supported Kennedy. If appointed, she would face a special election in 2010 to fill out Hillary's term, and then have to run again in 2012 for a full six-year term.

Assuming she is appointed senator and does well, this could make Caroline a viable ca
ndidate for President of the United States, assuming that Barack Obama fills two terms ending in 2017. Caroline has quite a pedigree, including a B.A. from Harvard and her J.D. from Columbia Law School. She moved into the White House at age 3, and probably feels like it's her house anyway.


Kennedy is not only an attorney, she's an editor, writer and member of the New York and Washington, D.C. bars. She is a founder of the Profiles in Courage Award, bestowed annually since 1990 to a person who exemplifies the same kind of courage in her father's Pulitzer Prize-winning book (which some say was mostly written by her mother, Jacqueline, seen below with Ted and JFK Jr.).


She's good at raising money, too. Caroline was chief executive for the Office of Strategic Partnerships for the NYC Dept. of Education -- and helped raise $65 million for the city's public schools. She's the current President of the Kennedy Library Foundation, is a director of the Commission on Presidential Debates and the NAACP Legal Defense and Educational Fund, and to round that out, she serves as Honorary Chair of the American Ballet Theatre. She also advises the Harvard Inst. of Politics, a living memorial to her father, but she is the real living memorial to her father.

Her competition for the senate seat includes her former cousin-in-law, former Bill Clinton HUD Secretary now NY State Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, son of former NY Governor Mario Cuomo. Andrew was divorced from RFK daughter Mary Kerry Kennedy in 2003, and is now dating TV chef Sandra Lee.


For more Kennedy stories, click here.

Hell Freezes Over


What a bitch. You plan a vacation in Las Vegas and it freakin' snows! Several inches were expected in Sin City. These tourists seem to be enjoying the break from losing their money.

Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

The Royal Horse


Camilla, Duchess of Cornball (left), greets an equine friend (right) at the Olympia Horse Show in London.

Major Dickie Waygood (mmm hmm, that's his name, say it with me, "Dickie Waygood") was presented with the "Services Jumping Championship Award," riding the Queen's horse.

Yah, I'm sure that's Camilla on the left.


For more Camilla stories, click here.

Photo by Chris Jackson/Getty Images

I Left My Heart in Paw Paw

It's not yet Valentine's Day, and already people have their hearts on their sleeves, and apparently falling out of their pockets as well.


Cops are trying to figure out where a heart found in a car wash in Paw Paw, Michigan came from -- they're not sure if it's animal or human... or some type of freak rotating brush accident.

According to USA Today, "scientists are now said to be studying the organ." And you know how scientists love organs.

Police Chief Patrick W. Alspaugh tells the Kalamazoo Gazette "If it's a human heart, that prompts the question, 'Then where's the body?'"

Of Jews and Shoes


Putz in Chief George W. Bush followed his shoe-tossing visit to Iraq with a Hanukkah reception in the White House grand foyer, attended by disgraced Jew and party traitor Joe Lieberman (
not shown). Bush kibbitzed with members of the Kol Zimra chorus.


Meanwhile, Arab groups protested for the release of the Iraqi journalist shoe tosser Muntazar al-Zaidi, who is being hailed as a national hero, but faces up to seven years in prison for his parting shot at Bushie.

top photo by Aude Guerrucci-Pool/Getty Images

Hasselbitch Snubbed by Bush, Bitches


Weepy Republican "View" shrew Elisabeth Hasselbeck had her panties in a twist because she was left off the White House Christmas party list. Now a White House secretary has issued a formal apology to the lachrymose coozette.

Barbara Walters did not comment.

Aunt Sylvia, Is That You?


So I called my Aunt Sylvia in Florida, I said, "Aunt Sylvia, so what's new?"

"What's new?" she echoed in the mildly mocking dismissiveness reserved for aged Floridian grandmas who suffer from assorted ailments. "I'm fine," she lied. "I bought a pink hat at the K-Mart, on sale, I thought it had a rose on it, Betty told me it was a skull."

"What else?" I asked, interested.

"What else?" she intoned with the world-weary arthritic malaise of someone who has boiled no fewer than 8,000 chickens. "Nothing, I put on a little makeup, they're having a nightclub performance in the building."

"Who's playing?"

"What, you think it's Boy George or something?"

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Thelma Todd Murder Mystery


Actress Thelma Todd's crimson body was found on the morning of Dec. 16, 1935 in the front seat of her brown 1934 Lincoln Phaeton convertible, in the garage of a mansion above her restaurant on Pacific Coast Highway, which locals will recognize from the photos.


The death was ruled a suicide, but doubts remain. Her ex BF, Roland West, confessed to a friend in 1951 that he'd done it. We'll never know -- it's one of the enduring Hollywood murder mysteries!

Bush the Stooge

bush shoes throw stooges three

A Dutch site ran a contest to change the shoe tossing incident. I like this one.

Mad Dogs and Englishmen

Today is the birthday of the great playwright and wit Sir Noel Coward, 1899-1973. Here he is performing "Mad Dogs and Englishmen" from a 1955 TV special.

Suri's Dad Plugs That Hitler Movie


Suri's father continued his tour of contrition with an appearance on "Today," telling Matt Lauer that he's not really the asshole he seemed like he was -- he's actually an even bigger asshole.

Meanwhile, Katie Holmes looks like she's dying. We're supposed to love this maniac cult member whose brilliant idea it was to make a movie like this, "because I always wanted to kill Hitler."

Hitler probably wouldn't have been too fond of him either, but Scientology's Nazi tactics are apparently pretty good. Watch this compelling video showing some of their happy followers.



Monday, December 15, 2008

Larry King's Wife Can't Wait

Larry King's seventh wife, Shawn, just can't wait for the old gehokte zaydeh to kick it already, so she's taken to straining his heart by sitting on his lap -- and I guess she figures she might as well start wearing her widow's weeds. Maybe she she can at least break an arthritic knee. He's 75!


He looks like he's about to plotz, even though she weighs maybe 90 lbs. Shawn has been a busy girl this year, having gone through rehab for Vicodin addiction, and reportedly having an affair with the hunky baseball coach of her two young sons by Larry, who had quadruple bypass surgery in 1987, and had a carotid artery unblocked last year.


Get the hell OFF!


Photo by Ramey

Britney Loves Chexy

Pharmaceutical marvel Britney Spears landed in Japan, taking her "Not So Crazy Anymore, Y'all" tour to Tokyo, where she lipsynched on yet another TV show.


Her repetitive word songs drive me nuts... but ding dang, I love that coat!

Aretha's Holiday Dress


The Queen of Soul, Miss Aretha Franklin, donned a jaunty white cap and yards and yards of red taffeta for an appearance at "The Torch of Freedom: A Holiday Tribute to Our Troops," a benefit concert at the Nokia Theatre in NYC on Sunday... and the Red Building of History Museum in Moscow. So alike and nyet...



See more lookalikes.

Suri Shuts Katie Down


Oh that playful little Suri! She reached around and flipped Robomom Katie Holmes' switch to OFF, leaving the Bride of Scientolostein frozen right in the middle of a conversation with a ballerina from the New York City Ballet production of The Nutcracker.

Katie turns 30 on Thursday -- if the Thetans let her.

Photo by Amy Sussman/Getty Images

Amy and the Christmas Pageant


My imaginary daughter Amy (left) 6, put on a new red dress for her appearance in Carolyn's Weight Watchers chapter's "Holiday Calorie Countdown," where they served Egg Beaters nog, baked apples and tofu pigs in a blanket, which Amy referred to as "a horror." I can't imagine where she picked up that expression. Yes, I know she's big for 6.


Amy sang backup for her "frenemy," Cerella, whose "Jingle Bells" was subsequently upstaged by Amy's rocking rendition of her favorite song, Adele's "Right as Rain," on which she was accompanied by her Uncle Brian on piano and Uncle Charlie as a singing Santa. (They later took Amy to the mall to see "Four Christmases," which was "sold out," so they saw "Milk" instead, where Amy snacked on Weight Watchers cookies.) Amy's review: "I don't get it, boys kissing boys, so what?" Charlie said that Amy and Brian slept through the last forty minutes.


Amy was cheered after her announcement that she'd lost three pounds in one week, thanks mostly to the fact that on Monday, after failing to slow in a school zone, Carolyn was arrested on five outstanding traffic warrants, and her boyfriend Fahd was unable to bail her out for five days, leaving Amy with me for the week -- where she dined on salads and controlled portions. Carolyn isn't speaking to me because I wouldn't accept her collect calls from jail. But I digress. Fahd attended the concert wearing what Amy called his "good
shorts," and sat outside and had some McDonald's.


Amy tells me that Carolyn was bailed out by Auntie Jean, who is well familiar with jail, having sprung her girlfriend Margo-Lynnae many times, most recently for her arrest after their "
Wiccan Daughters of Bilitis" Prop 8 protest got a little out of hand outside of El Coyote. Through a friend of mine who works at TMZ, I did manage to get hold of Carolyn's mugshot. I am using every bit of personal restraint not to make it my Christmas card.


Fa la la la la, la la la la.

Click here for more Amy stories.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Stop Cooking!

Check out this super funny video from the hilarious Mike Rose (as Alma), via World of Wonder.

I Kissed an Emo Elf, and I Liked It


Wee rocker daddy Pete Wentz, whose bangs are apparently growing from the nape of his neck, joined costumed singer Katy Perry for a pic at the Jingle Ball in Sunrise Florida. I think the miscellaneous Floridians in the background are more interesting.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Chexy's Saturday Matinee!


Van Johnson died yesterday at age 92. Here's an unintentionally comical trailer from "Easy to Wed," with "Technicolor Tessie," Lucille Ball.



In memory of Bettie Page... here's some footage of her, circa 1950. This was pretty risque stuff in its day!



With the auto industry in such trouble in Detroit, I thought it might be fun to look at an old Cadillac ad... from 1958.



And now, the late great Stephane Grappelli from a 1991 concert in Warsaw, playing one of my favorite songs, "How High the Moon."


Friday, December 12, 2008

MGM Star Van Johnson Dies


Actor Van Johnson, one of the last of the MGM contract players who was a heartthrob of the 1950s, has died. Johnson passed away at an assisted living center in Nyack, New York, reports the AP. He was 92.

Johnson began his contract with MGM in 1942, and was one of the few male contract players on hand during WWII. A traffic accident left him with a metal plate in his head and ineligible for the military. Instead, he typically played a war hero in soapy melodramas like “Miracle in the Rain” or splashy MGM musicals, often opposite June Allyson or Esther Williams.

The redheaded Johnson was also a Broadway regular, having made his debut in “New Faces of 1936.” He also appeared in the original cast of “Pal Joey,” and toured with “La Cage aux Folles” in 1987. He appeared on an episode of “I Love Lucy” in 1955, and guest starred as “The Minstrel” on a few episode of TV’s “Batman” in 1966.

Johnson was married to Eve Lynn Abbott in 1947. They had a daughter, Schuyler, in 1948, from whom Johnson was estranged. In a 2005 bio of MGM Chief L.B. Mayer, author Scott Eyman quoted Abbott as saying, "Ours was a real marriage. I was in love with Van, but I wouldn't have married him if I'd known he was a homosexual." Eve died in 2004 at age 90.

Johnson was also known for his trademark red socks.

Camilla and the Royal Girls


The loveliness that is Camilla Parker Bowles, Duchess of Cornwall, last night put on a midnight blue frock, some flashy royal diamonds and a hydraulic push-up bra to attend the Royal Variety Performance at London Palladium to benefit the Entertainment Artistes Benevolent Fund. Prince Charles took a few moments to greet some other men in drag.

Getty Images

Click here for more Camilla stories.

Happy Birthday Ol' Blue Eyes


Frank Sinatra -- born December 12, 1915. He left us in 1998, after doing it his way. Here he is from an Emmy winning 1966 TV special, singing "That's Life."




It's Frank... one more!

Dog Movie


If you like dogs, and I don't, perhaps you'll enjoy watching Jennifer Aniston and Owen Wilson for an hour and fifty-five minutes as they document their love of their Labrador Retriever in "Marley & Me." I've never been able to sit through a single episode of "Friends."

That's them at the opening last night in Westwood
. It's a good thing Jennifer Aniston posed nude this week on GQ, and has been doing promo by talking about Angelina Jolie, her gabby borefriend John Mayer, and whatever the hell she talks about with Oprah.

It's nice to see Owen Wilson feeling better since his reported suicide attempt in August of 2007. He's 40, she'll be 40 in February. They are very well preserved.

Goodnight, Bettie Page


After making the world a better place, pin-up legend Bettie Page shuffled off this mortal coil Thursday at age 85. She had lived in obscurity until becoming a cult figure in the 1980s. Her images punctuated the stuffy 1950s and '60s with a happy and sometimes adventurous sexuality. Let's not confuse fake fierce with real fierce. Bettie had it.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

A Perfect Look for Radio


Radio talk show host Wendell James totally stole my new look for spring, as seen on the red carpet at the BET Gospel celebration in L.A. last night. Nothing says "Here I is" like a powder blue leather suit with hiphugger pants and floral print blouse from Stein Mart.

And he had to go and rock my same 'do too! You just know his ride is an Impala.


Photo by Charley Gallay/Getty Images

Putz in Trade with Players

This headline from AP, pointed out by Chexydecimal Atlanta Bureau Chief Harris:

Mets acquire Putz in three-team deal

Indians also involved as 12 players change teams


"The New York Mets overhauled their much-maligned bullpen with two
big moves Wednesday, obtaining J.J. Putz from Seattle as part of a three-team, 12-player trade that gives them a setup man for new closer Francisco Rodriguez."

That's one less Putz in Seattle.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Here He Comes to Save the Day

On this day in 1955, Mighty Mouse premiered on CBS. Here's a goofy clip.

Believe Me, I Tried to Kill Hitler

Miss Tom Cruise is out pimping that Hitler movie, as seen here in Toronto yesterday.

Tommy lost some weight to do the press run on this turkey, which opens on Xmas day. A lovely Hitler film is just the thing for the holidays!

Here comes a brand new WWII bomb! Look for Katie to be just about ready to dump the couch jumper. She looked like thirty cents in a recent tabloid pic. You notice you don't see Posh and Becks hanging with the Cruises anymore. I guess they didn't make the jump over to Scientology. Everybody back to the volcano!


See also: Spacemen

Chexy's Cartoon Corner


Christo Komarnitski, Sofia, Bulgaria

Put a Hundred Down and Buy a Car

Samuel L. Jackson last night at the Paris premiere of "The Spirit," and Miss Dionne Warwick. So alike, and yet they just walk on by.






Dionne will be 68 on Friday.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Sunny Paris


Paris Hilton was in Madrid pimping some new social networking site (just what we need, more anti-social social networking), and wore this unfortunate dress, apparently rescued from the closet of socialite Sunny von Bulow, who died this week after being in a coma since 1980. Nothing goes with multi-color hideousness like a pair of silvery leopard print size 11 heels...


...and some gladiatorish index finger jewelry perfectly caps off this craptabulous look.

42 Days Left


Bushie took some time out from being reviled and scorned to greet some kids at the White House for some Christmas fluff. Does being seen with children soften the disgust of the American public? I think not.

Watch for more photo ops like this one in the last month of his failed presidency.

Facial Confusion

There seemed to have been some sort of cosmetic mix-up at last night's premiere of "Benjamin Button," when Jennifer Lopez showed up with Angelina Jolie's face...


... and Angie showed up with JLo's mug.


And I don't know whose face Sharon Stone had on.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Twins of Spirit

New "Meet the Press" host David Gregory, and tiny twin Mary Kate Olsen. So alike, and yet, so newsworthy.

Happy Happy Palestinians


A giddy Palestinian shows off his knife after slaughtering a cow on the first day of the Muslim holiday of Eid al-Adha in a refugee camp on the Gaza Strip. I guess this is kinda like having a kiddie birthday party at McDonald's. Kinda.

Muslims slaughter animals on the holiday to commemorate Abraham's willingness to sacrifice his son for God. Nevermind that God said nevermind. It's not a party until some cow loses its head.



Photo by Abid Katib/Getty Images

Queen Latifah Pops Out


Queen Latifah shows off the successful results of her 2003 breast reduction surgery... as seen at the Kennedy Center Honors.

You can always tell by the hands.

Rainbow Babs

Barbra Streisand has either been officially named Queen of the Gays or she's a Kennedy Center honoree, I think it's the latter.


Why does she insist on wearing those dog collars?

Amy and the Vocabulary Lesson

My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, looked after me this weekend while I recovered from a cold. She's apparently already keenly aware that there are few tragedies greater than a man with a head cold, and she best represented this with one of Carolyn's favorite rejoinders, "What's the big fuckin' deal, Ricky?" I have cautioned Carolyn about her word use around Amy, most recently through a court order, which evoked some even more select language from my colorful "baby mama."


As a toddler, Amy's first words were "Oh, shit!" -- parroting Carolyn's favorite response to a dirty diaper. Because she got laughs, Amy began saying it often, in restaurants, on doctor visits, but most memorably and loudly at age 3 at my Uncle Sid's funeral when my Aunt Norma threw the first handful of earth into his grave, giving Amy her first audience laugh. While Amy unfortunately inherited Carolyn's distinctive Boston patois, she fortunately got my sense of cleanliness, which has also been a source of Carolyn's florid word choices.


It's difficult to prevent Amy from using this kind of salty language, as she comes from a long line of longshoremen, truckers and truck stop waitresses (on Carolyn's side, of course), and you can only do so much about genetics short of surgical intervention.

I knew this was going to be a problem when Amy was 4, and I received a call from the executive director of Tons of Fun daycare after Amy replied to 72-year-old Mrs. Kasinetz's classroom discipline with, "Okay, fine, you goddamn old bitch." This was (and still is) one of Carolyn's favorite responses to her mother, Big Carolyn, whose own discourse is perfumed with the fragrant phrases one hears at football games, racetracks and Indian casinos.

Mrs. Helen Kasinetz, Tons of Fun, Room 5

I sat Amy down and told her we needed to have a little chat about her language choices, and knowing that she's most receptive during a meal, and because it was our monthly "Deli Sunday," I prepared her favorite -- a pastrami Reuben with hot mustard. "So what's up, Ricky?" she asked with a mouthful, adding, "Fffuu... darn this mustard's hot! Got any O'Doul's?"


And there hasn't been a foul word since Sunday at noon.


Click here for more Amy stories.

Tall and Tan and Young and Lovely

Today is the 14th anniversary of the death of the father of Bossa Nova cool... Antonio Carlos Jobim. They named the airport for him in Rio de Janeiro. Here he is in a sweet medley with Frank Sinatra.



See also the last video in this post.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Chexy's Saturday Matinee!


Hollywood! Oh, I just love this... it's a restored trailer for 1937's "A Star is Born."




And now, from the 1954 "A Star is Born," they shot this number three times before they got it right. Here's all three versions running simultaneously. Know which one they used?



It's getting close to Christmas, so how about a little Pops? Here's Louis Armstrong with "Wonderful World."



Here's some of the music they play in heaven... Debussy's sonata for flute, viola and harp.

Friday, December 5, 2008

O.J. to Big House


Miss O.J. Simpson, 61, was sentenced to 15 years in a Nevada State Prison for his part in an armed robbery/kidnapping caper over some sports crap. This will put a crimp in his golf game. Perhaps he will have some luck finding "the real killer" while in prison.


For more O.J. stories, click here.

Walt Disney Birthday Game


Walt Disney, born Dec. 5, 1901, seen here with the Seven Dwarfs. Can you name them? (click here for answer)

Just for Laughs

Britney Spears speaks at the "Light of the Angels" Holiday Tree Lighting Ceremony at L.A. Live on Wednesday... and a horse. So alike, and yet so wrong, y'all.








Britney Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty

It's Over


Aretha Franklin sang at the 85th annual New York Stock Exchange Christmas tree lighting festivities on Wednesday.


Photo by Stephen Lovekin/Getty Images

Thursday, December 4, 2008

A Face Made for Comedy


Comedian Sandra Bernhard, as she appeared last night at the premiere of "Liza's at the Palace?!"... and Bozo the Clown. So alike, and yet so alike.



Sandra Photo: Andrew H. Walker/Getty Images

Oprah Goes through the Change

Here's Oprah not too long ago...


...and last night in NYC at the Alvin Ailey Dance Theatre's 50th Anniversary gala.



Oprah will be 55 in January.

Yeah, My Dad Effed the Whole World


Li'l Barbara Pierce Bush showed up at a UNICEF ball last night in New York, facing the shame brought upon her family by her father's failed presidency. It can't be easy when people have instant contempt for you because your father ruined everything. It's no wonder she looks like such a farbissener.

I hope she's able to find a husband to help her spend the millions she'll inherit when grandpa dies. She and her sister Jenna have been the least visible presidential kids ever. Babs graduated from Yale and works for the Cooper-Hewitt National Design Museum in NYC.

She was most memorably charged with underage drinking in 2001. Into the history books with her!


Photo by Brad Barket/Getty Images

Say Cheese, If You Still Can


What used to be Faye Dunaway attended the Art Basel event in Miami Beach yesterday with her $50,000 Chiclet smile. Most of Faye will be 68 in January. No more porcelain veneers EVER!


Photo by Logan Fazio/Getty Images

It's Beginning to Feel a Little Like Christmas


They lit up the giant tree in Rockefeller Center last night, giving me yet another reason to be glad I'm in California. Man it looked cold! I heard on the radio that decoration displays are down, because people aren't in the mood with the economy the way it is.

I think we need a little Christmas. Decorate.


Photo by Bryan Bedder/Getty Images

One Note on Xtina


Christina Aguilera mimics exactly how I feel when I hear her "sing."

This was Xtina at the Grammy Nomination Concert -- destroying Gershwin's "Porgy" in what was supposed to be a salute to Nina Simone. I swear, this woman can't sing. Vocal hydraulics is not singing. And you're not supposed to roll out of bed naked and grab a satin sheet to wear.

Grammy nomination concert? Another way to get more mileage out of the Grammys. What's next? A concert for the nominations concert, and pre-show of the pre-show, pre-red carpet show after party?

Oh, and the Foo Fighters should be fined for destroying Carly Simon's classic song. Mute buttons are wonderful things.


Jewel Samad/AFP/Getty Images

Happiest White House Christmas Ever

First Lady Laura Bush is looking better and better as it gets toward the end of her husband's lengthy and disgraceful presidency. Don't expect her to stand by Bushie when he's indicted for war crimes.

Smart money says she's going to file for divorce within a year -- and that the two hardly speak to each other now. Is it any wonder she smokes?

On Wednesday, Laura introduced the press to this year's holiday decorations at the White House. Her lipstick is too dark.


Photo by Alex Wong/Getty Images

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Miami Heat

Oh, I just love this hotness! Artist "Orlan" attended a presentation of the Solo Projects Programming at photo Miami 2008, whatever the hell that is. I don't care. I just want to know this woman. It is a woman, isn't it?


Orlan is so totally put together -- this is a festive look for the holidays, ladies. Adapt this look, and expect to get seriously laid.


Photo by Logan Fazio/Getty Images for Art Fairs, Inc.

Now Hear This


That curious piece of flesh is...





... the auricular protuberance of Sexiest Man Alive Hugh Jackman, as seen at the "Australia" premiere in Madrid last night.

Betty Deuce Opens Parliament


Betty slapped on her diamond and pearl crown and some massive teardrop pearl earrings and a white fur cape, and jumped into her carriage for the ride from the palace to Westminster for the opening of Parliament. It looks like something has startled her majesty, like some unflattering sign as she rode past.


It's nice that her majesty travels with so little pomp. Excuse the horseshit.


Photo by Peter Macdiarmid/Getty Images

More Royalty in Wacky Hats


You'd be miserable too if you had to wear that stupid ass microphone hat.

That's Cranky King Bhumibol Adulyadej (say it with me, "Bhumibol") and J. Edgar Hoover in drag... I mean, Queen Sirikit of Thailand, giving their honor guard the once over on the king's 81st birthday in Bangkok.

This is J. Edgar Hoover in drag:


Royals Photo by Chumsak Kanoknan/Getty Images


Click here for more posts about hats.

Black is Slimming

There is no greater glamor than Donatella Versace and her daughter Allegra Beck Versace -- who inherited the bulk of the $700 million Versace empire from her murdered Uncle Gianni. Ths is how the two looked on Tuesday at the Campari Club in Milan to celebrate the Campari Calendar launch.


While Allegra looks dehydrated, Mama Donatella looks like she's retaining a little water around the ankles.

Pretty people, they give us all something to look up to -- a new sandal, a fresh Halloween look, or a new reason not to go blonde.



Photo by Vittorio Zunino Celotto/Getty Images

Click here for more Versace stories.

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Why Brit Looks a Little Dazed

Some reviews of Britney Spears' recent performances are saying the repaired pop wreck is looking sluggish, and not quite as fluid as she did before.


According to reports, Brit's recovery can likely be attributed to wonder drugs like Risperdal*, an anti-psychotic used to treat bipolar mania and schizophrenia in adults. It's recommended that you don't drive on it. Anything to keep Brit from driving is a good idea.

But c'mon, how do folks expect her to dance on these meds? Risperdal also makes you constipated, so she has to take a laxative, like Correctol. And it can give you trouble sleeping, so she probably takes a sleep aid, like Rozerem -- reportedly every other night -- and her dad sits up with her on the nights she doesn't take it, earning every dime of his conservatorship check. Yeah, so she might look a little constipated.

Seroquel is another anti-psychotic she likely takes, which is used to treat bipolar disorder by regulating brain chemicals, and we know Brit's brain is a complex web of Cheetos, grits and Mr. Pibb. Give the girl a break. If she bends over too much or too fast, she could pass out!

*What side effects might I encounter with RISPERDAL?

RISPERDAL®(risperidone) has some possible side effects that you should know about.

With any medication, some people have side effects and some don't. If you have any side effects with RISPERDAL, or feel you're not getting better, please talk to your healthcare professional. Your healthcare professional may adjust the dose to help reduce or minimize your side effects.

The most common side effects that may occur with RISPERDAL are: somnolence, increased appetite, fatigue, rhinitis, upper respiratory tract infection, vomiting, coughing, urinary incontinence, increased saliva, constipation, fever, tremors, muscle stiffness, abdominal pain, anxiety, nausea, dizziness, dry mouth, rash, restlessness, and indigestion.

Studies suggest an increased risk of elevated blood sugar-related side effects, and sometimes potentially fatal, in patients treated with this class of medications, including RISPERDAL. Some people may need regular blood sugar testing.

Some people taking RISPERDAL may feel faint or lightheaded when they stand up or sit up too quickly. By standing up or sitting up slowly and following your healthcare professional's dosing instructions, this side effect may be reduced or it may go away over time.

You may have heard the term "extrapyramidal symptoms (EPS)." These are usually reversible movement disorders or muscle disturbances, such as restlessness, tremors, and muscle stiffness. Some people taking RISPERDAL have these side effects. If you have these symptoms, talk to your healthcare professional.

You may have heard the term "tardive dyskinesia." These are potentially irreversible, uncontrollable, slow or jerky facial or body movements that can be caused by all medications of this type (antipsychotics). If you have these symptoms, talk to your healthcare professional. Only your healthcare professional should adjust your dose or stop your medication.

There are some medications that interact with RISPERDAL. Please inform your healthcare professional of all medications or supplements that you are taking.

Hudson's Brother-in-Law Charged

Here's William Balfour, cracky felon brother-in-law of Jennifer Hudson, was charged today in the murder of her mother, brother and nephew. And here's murderous Sideshow Bob from The Simpsons. So alike, and yet so different.


Hat tip: Angie Baby

Hey Y'all, I'm Not Crazazy Anymore!


Step right up and see the medical marvel of the age! In the center ring, Miss Britney Spears!

The resurrected pop mess celebrated her 27th britday today with a low-key nationwide celebration live on "Good Morning America," which she shlepped the kiddies to as well, and Jayden James Federline looked like he was really enjoying it.


Please exit to the left, and get a look at the pickled punk in the blowoff!


Photos: Getty/Frank
Micelotta, Bryan Bedder

Palin Wants a Cracker

She just won't go away.


Sarah Palin resurfaced in Georgia to support Saxby Chambliss (who sounds like he should be a character on "All My Children,") in a runoff election against Democrat Jim Martin.

McCain won Georgia's 15 electoral votes last month.

In population IQ averages, Georgia ranks 10th lowest.

You Had Me at Hewwo

Nicole Kidman as spotted in Paris on Monday night at the Hotel George, and Renée Zellweger attempting to smile. So alike, and yet so different.




Nicole photo by Getty/Lorenzo Santini

Monday, December 1, 2008

9 Give Head for Drugs


Oh, it's getting so messy in Tijuana! Nine headless bodies were found in a field with their cabesas in Hefty bags nearby -- part of a drug cartel war going on in the border city. This is not what people mean by a "Mexican facelift."

And you thought drug use addled your mind?

Keep your head. Don't smoke pot.

Ivana Leave Ya


As love comes, so it goes. Dear Ivana Trump Rubicondi, 60, has dumped her husband Rossano 37, after they couldn't agree on where to live. You'd think they'd have worked that out before saying, "I will." (Pictured above on their wedding day in April.)

The two apparently separated a few months ago, but Ivana didn't announce it because Rossano is competing on the Italian version of "Survivor" and she didn't want to screw up his chances.

Hell, he's survived Ivana, he should win something.

Paris Hilton is Not in Cincinnati

Paris Hilton as she appeared yesterday launching her new stench, "Fairy Dust," at the Macy's in Woodbridge, New Jersey, and Loni Anderson during her "WKRP" days. So alike, and yet, so alike.




Paris photo by Brian Killian/Getty Images

Amy and the Thanksgiving Dinner

My imaginary daughter Amy, 6, snapped this picture with her Hello Kitty cellphone on Thanksgiving just before the City of Gardena Fire Department arrived to Carolyn's boyfriend Fahd's mother's backyard to put out the blaze arising from Fahd's attempt at deep-frying a Butterball (which, coincidentally, he's been court-ordered not to call Amy).


"Good thing we had a HoneyBaked Ham," said my optimistic Amy, who also snapped this pic of the extraordinary table Carolyn set for the holiday, replete with upscale plastic plates and cutlery. You can see Carolyn's indecipherable baked bean stuffing and Hungry Jack instant mashed potatoes in the elegant aluminum serving trays, along with a glimpse of a stainless steel bowl of Heinz Roasted Turkey Gravy.


"I made mini biscuit ham sandwiches without mayo, Ricky, isn't that good?" questioned Amy with the undeniable logic of ill-informed youth on a restricted diet. "Yes, darling, that's good," I said, not wanting to discourage her from finding the silver foil lining in a holiday turkey disaster.


Fortunately, there was only minor loss from the fire (other than the turkey and fryer); the sofa Fahd's mother kept on the back porch sustained some smoke damage and was carried to the street by Carolyn and Fahd's mother.
Amy said Fahd's mother had insurance, but it didn't meet her "defuctible."



Click here for more Amy stories.
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