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Monday, December 15, 2008

Amy and the Christmas Pageant

My imaginary daughter Amy (left) 6, put on a new red dress for her appearance in Carolyn's Weight Watchers chapter's "Holiday Calorie Countdown," where they served Egg Beaters nog, baked apples and tofu pigs in a blanket, which Amy referred to as "a horror." I can't imagine where she picked up that expression. Yes, I know she's big for 6.

Amy sang backup for her "frenemy," Cerella, whose "Jingle Bells" was subsequently upstaged by Amy's rocking rendition of her favorite song, Adele's "Right as Rain," on which she was accompanied by her Uncle Brian on piano and Uncle Charlie as a singing Santa. (They later took Amy to the mall to see "Four Christmases," which was "sold out," so they saw "Milk" instead, where Amy snacked on Weight Watchers cookies.) Amy's review: "I don't get it, boys kissing boys, so what?" Charlie said that Amy and Brian slept through the last forty minutes.

Amy was cheered after her announcement that she'd lost three pounds in one week, thanks mostly to the fact that on Monday, after failing to slow in a school zone, Carolyn was arrested on five outstanding traffic warrants, and her boyfriend Fahd was unable to bail her out for five days, leaving Amy with me for the week -- where she dined on salads and controlled portions. Carolyn isn't speaking to me because I wouldn't accept her collect calls from jail. But I digress. Fahd attended the concert wearing what Amy called his "good
shorts," and sat outside and had some McDonald's.

Amy tells me that Carolyn was bailed out by Auntie Jean, who is well familiar with jail, having sprung her girlfriend Margo-Lynnae many times, most recently for her arrest after their "
Wiccan Daughters of Bilitis" Prop 8 protest got a little out of hand outside of El Coyote. Through a friend of mine who works at TMZ, I did manage to get hold of Carolyn's mugshot. I am using every bit of personal restraint not to make it my Christmas card.

Fa la la la la, la la la la.

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1 comment:

justlovely said...

Why on earth would anyone take a six-year-old child to see "Milk"? Of course she fell asleep, but what was this Uncle Brian person's excuse?


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