Carolyn and I had another "discussion" over her allowing Amy to wear her penguin pants for six days, and then another over Amy's back-to-school gear, namely, her lunch box.
You wouldn't think this would be a big deal, but Carolyn works in PR and is very concerned about "the image Amy is projecting," and went on and on about "empowerment" and "a sustaining culture" and "18,000 cracks in a glass ceiling" for half an hour, until I wondered if I could cause 18,000 cracks in her sliding glass balcony door by hurling myself through it.
Auntie Jean interrupted her reading of the new Doris Day biography to offer Amy the Barbie and Francie lunch box she'd had since her elementary school days, but Carolyn was concerned there might be lead in the paint. Fahd, Carolyn's ersatz boyfriend, momentarily turned his attention from "Big Brother 10" to unhelpfully interject, "When I was a boy in Turkey, we had paper sacks made from straw."
Then Carolyn decided she had just the thing for improving Amy's prestige -- from some swag-suite event she'd attended when she was working on the Grammys -- a Louis Vuitton bag. Jean mercifully said, "She's a 6-year-old first-grader, not Kim Kardashian -- although they might be of similar intellect, but I don't want to insult Amy."
Amy then settled the quandary by declaring that she wanted a "gender neutral kind." I wasn't sure whether I had Carolyn or Jean to thank for teaching her that curious phrase. After a quick Internet search, here's what Amy selected.
An imaginary father's work is never done.