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Saturday, May 17, 2008

Rides Are Bad

I have no idea what draws people to amusement parks to enjoy the thrill of being terrified. Isn't everyday life terrifying enough? I have enough fear of picking up MRSA from a fork. Certainly I wouldn't get it from a gym, since I would never set foot in one of those cootie incubators. I have to go to the dentist on Monday for another quadrant cleaning -- isn't that horror enough? Driving on the 101 through Hollywood? Dining at Arby's?

In Calaveras County, Calif. (made famous by Mark Twain's tale of its celebrated jumping frog), a ride like the one above, aptly named the "Yo Yo," collapsed on Friday, sending 24 people to the hospital -- at least three with very serious injuries. I don't even like riding elevators, let alone one of these death traps. Have you seen the carnies responsible for operating these rides? They're not exactly MIT grads rejected by NASA because their unfortunate tattooing clashed with orange flight suits.

It's hard enough enduring the horrors of flying coach, or going to Costco on a Saturday (or any day), or having to suffer through a Neil Diamond song. I don't need rides -- my abject fear is omnipresent.

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